I didn't quite catch that...

To ensure my readership that I’m not getting old before my time, I thought that I’d post a picture that amused me:

I’m sure I’ve seen him dancing at the front of the stage at Top Banana… Hat tip to the Toaster Files.

As an aside, I’m pretty sure that I was one of the two people stewarding this queue. Notice the size of the queue. Notice the two people in blue t-shirts with white writing on the back. Yes, the two in the middle. That’s who was looking after the queue…

I have eleven hours of university left. Four exams. Then that’s me. I’ll hang around for a couple more weeks, getting more drunk than you could believe, and then I’m going to have to go into the Real World. Which scares the shit out of me, I can tell you. Working a 9 to 5? Does that really appeal to anybody?

So thats scary. But not as scary as the fact that one of my mates became a dad the other day. And he’s bought a house. This is too Real World for me.

And, of course, I’m on a little self-imposed no drinking spree at the minute (difficult to revise when you’re pissed), so I couldn’t raise a glass to welcome the new kid into the world. Oh well, plenty of time for that when I get home…

Had an exam this morning. Went about as well as I’d expected. So far I’ve done 4 hours. I have another 11 to go. Crap.

On the plus side, I’ve had over a thousand visits over the week. Which means that it took nearly two months to get my first 750 visits, and less than a week to get my second. Which is nice. I may have to write more emails to high profile bloggers…

Or I could just do as I’m doing, because this blog is mostly for me anyway. I like that plan better.

From the BBC Images of this rather fantastic event.

Mandrake links to (and comments upon) a very interesting article. Personally, steps 4 and 11 are dangerously real:

Step 4
Do not allow real people to talk in porn clich?s.
They do not say: “Give it to me, big boy.”
They do not say: “Suck it, baby. That’s right, all the way down.”
They do not say: “Yes, deeper, harder, deeper! Oh, baby, oh Christ, yes!”
At least, they do not say these things to me.
Most of the time, real people say all kinds of weird, funny things during sex, such as, “I think I’m losing circulation” and “I’ve got a cramp in my foot” and “Oh, sorry!” and “Did you come already? Goddamn it!”

…..

Step 11
Remember that, contrary to popular belief, people think during sex.
I know this is going to be hard for some of the men in the crowd to believe, but it’s true. The body may race when it comes to sex, but the mind is also working overtime. And just what do people think about? Laundry. Bio-terrorism. Old lovers. That new car ad, the one with the dwarf falling off the cliffs of Aberdeen. Sex isn’t just the physical process. The thoughts that accompany the act are just as significant (more so actually) than the gymnastics.

Further to Step 11, if the other party asks, just as you’re trying to remember if it was a dwarf or a cat falling over the cliff, what you’re thinking about, you will always panic a little and reply with something along the lines of ‘You, dear’.

So that’s just me then. Oh well. Move along, nothing to see here. [whistles innocently]

A culture of intimidation within a major international human rights watchdog? Surely not?

Read the anecdote at the bottom of this post. I can verify for the source of this tale, as I work in the same place. However, to cover from a legal point of view (incase they feel the need to share the intimidation) I feel that I should mention the word ALLEGEDLY. There. Sue me now, bitch.

You’ll probably know that Blair visited Iraq yesterday. But it appears that he did a naughty thing while he was there…

den Beste was kind enough to reply to an email I sent him, and then to write up a more detailed response to it on his blog (and link to me in the process, which did my hit counter no harm), so I thought that it would only be proper to share my reply with the world:

I think that he’s being a little bit hard on Canada; the true measure of friendship is not just how much they back you up when you don’t need them (and the US didn’t need Canada in Iraq), it’s how much you can count on them when the chips are down. I think that, if the US was in dire need of Canada’s help (can’t imagine under what circumstances, to be honest), that Canada would be there. The worst charge leveled at Canada was that they wouldn’t detain members of Saddam’s regiem if the happened to meet them (which ranks about the same as Iceland saying that; neither are very likley to have the chance). I would’ve dropped it down to L1 friend, or Neutral at worst.

In the weblog reply he goes into greater detail about his opinion of Canada’s attitudes, and I’d have to say that if I were American, I’d probably feel the same. But I don’t think that I’d be more annoyed at Canada than, say, New Zealand (which has been sponging off Australian and US defence spending in much the same way that SDB chides Ireland for doing off of NATO, the UK and the US).

I’m also interested in his opinion that the UK alliance with the US isn’t as strong as it could be. The UK’s willingness to send it’s troops (in huge numbers relative to the size of it’s armed forces, which SDB thinks very highly of) to fight and die doesn’t seem to show the US how loyal the UK is. Looking at any of the possible leaders of the Labour party, or of the Conservatives and you would see that the UK was going to Iraq no matter who was in charge. The British public were behind it, even if it was only by a small amount. SDB’s primary reason for doubt is, apparently, the threat posed by too much European Integration. Which is, to be fair, a worry. But seeing as how no reasonable government is going to sign away it’s own powers, I can’t see too much of this happening. I hope that the UK government sees it this way. I really hope that the Irish government does too, ‘cos Ireland doesn’t have a veto should it all go tits up. (Chez has a good viewpoint on this, as well)

The third thing that interests me is how grouped Africa is. I’d be very interested in seeing how Africa would really side if it came to a global shooting war. Would the nations start fighing each other, or gang up on one side, or divide between the two? Would some of the tribes take the opportunity to do another Rwanda, while the world was looking the other way (again)? Or would it continue as it is now, with no discernable impact either from or upon the conflict?

As a final point, SDB (in the original entry last year) said that the EU would end up on the same level as France. Please don’t put us there. I speak as a man holding passports for two EU nations, and I really don’t want to be grouped with France.

Here’s the emails in question, should anyone be interested:

I read with interest your post on the possibility of Arafat’s death
polarizing the nations in one giant war (http://denbeste.nu/cd_log_entries/2002/03/Thelinup.shtml).
Now, Arafat seems much less likley to die very soon and there doesn’t seem to
be much else that could start such a war (unless North Korea starts something,
but I don’t think that it would ‘polarize’ as such; Kim Jong Il has
worked very hard to avoid making friends).

But just say that something did polarize them. Would your line up have
changed? For example, you have Canada as an L3 friend and Germany as an L1
friend; would these be lowered? You also have Spain as an L1 friend; would
their recent attitude during the buildup to Iraq warrant their
‘promotion’?

I’m not suggesting that Iraq has changed the essence of the nations, but I
think that it may have revealed some traits that had been hidden recently.
Do you think that these would warrant a new line-up?

And Steven Den Beste replied:

Actually, the struggle in the UN over Iraq had the same effect, and that
polarization actually took place.

I think it’s obvious that some of my judgements were wrong. Canada is easily
the biggest surprise and the biggest disappointment. I rated it as a level 3
friend but it actually landed as a level 1 enemy.

Some other examples of changes: Turkey (down), Spain (up), Germany (down),
North Korea (down), Poland (up)

France ended up as a level 2 enemy, but that’s not as great a surprise as
Canada.

I like the Lord of the Rings. I think that the films are very good as well, true enough to the books to satisfy that part of it but also different enough to stand on their own without getting purists pissed off.

What I am not happy with is the news that they’re going to make a musical. One of the best decisions that Peter Jackson made was cutting most of the siNGing out of the films, because they were too long and drawn out to make good film. Or survive on stage. So then they decide to make a smegging musical. Some of which will be in Elvish. The dialogue will be different to Tolkien’s, which means that the songs won’t be the same as those in the book, but still. A musical. Of Lord of the Rings. This can only be a bad thing.

Therefore, I declare open season on this abomination. The Jihad is on. Stop this before it takes root.

If only I had my private military up and running….

I formally request to become a member of this club. I’m all for the destruction of Gatso’s that are placed in areas purely to fleece the motorist. Have them around schools, in 30s and 40s yes. Have them plainted in high visibility. Have them placed strategically to prevent accidents. Do not place them somewhere just to maximise revenue. Do not hide them behind trees on roads where the speed limit is stupidly low. So decapitate, burn and destroy all of the offending Gatsos that are placed just to fleece the motorist.

One of the things that has always infuriated me was that the 70mph limit on motorways was only introduced because of the fuel shortages in the 60s and 70s. Most drivers and nearly all cars are capable of handling 80 or 90 with little or no bother, but we’re all expected to stick to a speed limit designed for cars built 40 years ago. Bastards.

I started counting visits to this weblog in early April, and up until the start of this week I had about 750 visits, which was nice. So I was averaging about 100 visitors a week, which I thought was quite respectable. And I thought that, with the way traffic was going, I would beat the thousand about the end of my exams, a week or so into June. And I had planned to do a stupid little “Whoooooo! Four figures on the counter!” post then, pretending that I had hit the big time.

Then I wrote a post about the officer in the Gulf who had been accused of war crimes by a petty jumped up insubordinate little shit of a disgruntled US reservisist, and Google picked up on it. And I wrote a little message to den Beste asking about one of his older posts, and he only went and linked me (cheers to Chez for letting me know, I hadn’t had a look at the USS Clueless or my stats before he texted me).

So I recieved over 250 unique visitors in the past four days, and Sitemeter is predicting that I’ll get about 3,600 visitors over the next month. Not going to happen, but hey, I like it. And it gives me a chance to go:

Whoooooo! Four figures on the counter!

UPDATE: SiteMeter is now predicting that I’ll get around 43,000 visitors over the next month, giving roughly 100,000 page views. Crikey. I’m hoping that this doesn’t happen; they’re also prediciting that I’ll get 1,440 visitors per day, which would mean that I’d have a hell of a lot of bandwidth consumption. Given that there’s more than just my blog hosted here, I think that I’d have to purchase some more bandwidth. Which I don’t really want to have to do.

I’ve noticed that a lot of people have set up pay-pal accounts and Amazon wish lists. I’ve decided that that isn’t really my style. I don’t want coppers in a cup or someone to buy me the cheapest thing possible off of my wishlist. So I’ve decided that I want my readers to club together and purchase me this. For only $4,500,000 you can by me my very own aircraft carrier. And you know that the would would be a better place if I had my own private naval air force….

So that’ll be the navy and airforce sorted out… now to sort out the private army. Bwhahaha!

I can see why Chez chooses classics (or decent film classics) to revise to, but I’m afraid that the reasons just aren’t good enough. If you want really good music to revise to without being distracted by words, try Euphoria Chilled. If you don’t mind being distracted by a word or two, try anything by Faithless or Fatboy Slim. If that isn’t enough for you, a little bit of Leftfield never hurt anyone. And if you really don’t mind words, then you can’t beat the Blood Hound Gang.

Ed Hillan’s music choice: scraping through exam, after exam, after exam.

I meant to blog about this one earlier, but I did have an exam today, so yesterday was taken up with random work. Or last minute cramming. Or, in some circumstances, phoning people. Anyway, back to the story.

I’m assuming that most people will have heard about this by now, but I want to keep a link to it, so nah. Passanger plane flies through storm, gets the nosecone smashed in and the pilot’s windscreen cracked. And then goes on to land safely. Nice. Just don’t do anything like that when I’m on a plane, or I’m liable to get annoyed.

Just when you start thinking that the world is calming down, shit meets fan once more. A bit of hit-and-run is starting to kill Americans in Iraq, and the US starts building up more forces in Korea. It may be a busy few months as well with all this shit starting up.

The endgame is upon us. Or, if you don’t like the dramatic tones, I’ve started my exams. First one was this morning, and I think that it went quite well. Well, it could have gone a lot worse, anyway.

By the way, welcome to all the people who have come here looking for Re Biastre. The post you’re looking for is here. And if you want to see how my server stats have been affected by the randomness of the Googlebot visiting the day I write a post about one of the major developments in Iraq on that day, have a gander at this image (bear in mind that about 80-90% of my regular visitors come from the UK):

UPDATE: Tell you what, if I had the time and inclination to get a more recent copy of that world stats image, I would. It’s currently showing around 90% of readers are in the US/Canada. Which is nice, because the number of UK visitors haven’t changed. It’s just that the number of visitors overall has increased.

The University website has a very good article on Procrastination.

I’ve read it three times.

But anyway, what with exams starting tomorrow, I thought that I’d wander over to Modern Drunkard again, for a little light relief from work. And then I though I’d share some quotes from a few bits of it.

Highlights of the History of Hooch:

• 600 AD An early form of whiskey is invented in Ireland by monks who had traveled to the Near East to learn the secrets of perfume distillation. Reckoning it’s a far better thing to feel great than smell good, they apply the formula to fermented barley and coin the phrase, “Let’s get stinkin’ drunk.”
• 1171 AD English soldiers under King Henry II invade Ireland and discover the locals are making whiskey. They still haven’t left.
• 625 AD Mohammed declares alcohol is evil. Europeans wonder, “Well, what shall the Muslims do for fun?”
• 711 AD Muslims invade Europe.

And some additions to the You’re a drunk! list:

• You donate a pint of blood and the hospital has to card the patient they give it to.
• Going out drinking with you is covered by your friends? insurance.
• Before you go out each night you consult a psychic hotline to determine which bartenders will be pouring strong.
• You feel a tinge of pride when someone refers to you as a ?shameless alcoholic.?

And now, to work. Or phone calls. No work. Fuck it, I’ll make it up as I go along…

You may, or may not, have heard that there’s a little bit of conflict going on in the Indonesian province of Aceh. I was reading the Economist‘s view on it the other day, pretending to be all growed up and sensible, as you do.

This post isn’t about the coverage, it’s a quote found in the coverage about the new Rules of Engagement for the Indonesian forces: basicially “behave yourselves”. The rules were things like “don’t target civilians”, “don’t burn schools”, that sort of thing. But they ended up on

… any soldiers who violated human rights would be shot in the head.

Does that strike anyone else as a little bit contradictary?

Not really, but for some reason that title was stuck in my head. As I was comming home from work the other day (at 3am), I noticed that there were a couple of Fire appliances at the old Regent Hotel. Now, since it’s abandonned and awaiting redevelopment, I thought that someone had been fucking about and that it was a little fire, because I couldn’t see any smoke or fire, and the fire guys were just wandering about.

Problem was, they were still there in the morning when I was going onto campus. Turns out the place was destroyed. It’s a pity. It was a nice old building.

But, hey, at least the fire service hadn’t been on strik at the time.

UPDATE: And another one: Rob a charity, then burn it. What kind of a bastard burns down a charity’s offices?

Go and visit this. I think that everyone should have one of these suits, not just women. Imagine the fun you could have with a tazer suit. It’d be just like the bad guy in Die Another Day. And it’d make my job a lot more fun unpleasant for the twats painful for those who annoy me interesting.