I didn't quite catch that...

BandAidDilemmia. A worthy site, which scores highly for effort and sentiment, yet falls down on implementation.

I’ll pass you over to el Reg for a little more info:

Yesterday’s release of Band Aid’s revamped version of the, ahem, classic Do They Know It’s Christmas has put many charitable souls in a bit of a quandry. The fact is, you want to help the Sudanese refugees by supporting this excellent cause, but the single is, well, crap.

Technically, this is known as the Band Aid Dilemma – a disturbing condition in which the natural instinct to help those less fortunate than yourself battles the primordial desire to avoid dreadful pop like the plague.
…
You want this record to succeed, because you feel for the plight of the refugees in the Dharfur region of Sudan and this project is funding aid projects on their behalf. However, you hate this recording and feel your musical ego looming and refusing to be bruised.

The answer?

• Buy as many copies of Do They Know It’s Christmas by Band Aid 20 as you can afford.
• Destroy them in amusing ways, on camera.
• Send us the pictures.

My personal preference would be to donate money straight to charity for Darfur, and completely allow the shiteaid single to fade into obscurity.

For some reason, human rights organisations don’t much like guns. I can see why, but I can also see that they’re being a tad simplistic when they say that guns are evil. *

Now they’re basicially saying the same about tasers. Now, lads, make up your mind. You can give the police guns, or they can have some other weapons. You can’t expect them to be able to work without any weapons at all. And, as disabling weapons go, tasers rock.

Amnesty International UK Director Kate Allen said: “Tasers have been used in the US against pregnant women, unruly schoolchildren and mentally ill people.

A couple things:

• Why is the UK Director so concerned with US practices? “Oh, we’re discussing a UK matter, but there is an opportunity to do some yank-bashing into the bargain, so lets do that then.” Not that I’m adverse to a little yank-bashing, but there’s a time and a place.
• They’ve been used against pregnant women, unruly schoolchildren and mentally ill people, eh? Any context there? Was the pregnant woman trying to stab someone? Was the unruly schoolchild running through the school with a shotgun? Was the mentally ill person about to vote for Nader? You need to know things like this before you automaticially spout the ‘evil’ talk.

A little background goes a long way in stories like this. So if the Beeb would be kind enough to supply us with some, it would be appreciated.

–
* – Suffice to say that Jack Nicholson was onto something in A Few Good Men. Except maybe for the murdering and such.

Blair says that ID cards will enhance civil liberties, rather than erode them.

Spot on, sir. Damn right.

In other news, down is now up, hot is now cold, and we have always been at war with Eurasia.

This side of the Atlantic, we don’t let people use cameras in court. This is to ensure that people don’t try to intimidate witnesses, juries, that sort of thing. Of course, it could also have something to do with cameras not being about when the tradition of English Common Law was begun, but that’s incidental.

What the rules didn’t take into account was the huge number of people who now carry cameras about with them at all times, built into their mobile phones.

So what to do when a friend of the defendant takes movies and pictures during a trial? Easy. Abandon the trial, and send the fella to a young offender’s institution for six months. For taking a couple of photos.

I seem to recall having a camera phone in my posession the last time I was in court. Remind me not to do that again.

There are certain things that you take for granted. Eyesight. Hearing. The ability to move your neck without feeling like someone is stabbing you in it.

Can you guess which one of the above has failed?

Yes, my neck is now officially shafted. All of a sudden (yesterday lunchtime), it has become extremely painful to turn or lean my head to the left. Which is a little bit annoying. Sure, I can type at work and all that, so I’ll still get paid. But driving has become a little bit more … interesting.

[scene: ejh driving along road, approaching junction]

Mirror: check;
Signal: check;
Check over shoulder that blind spot is clear: ch… HOLY SWEET MOTHER OF FUCK THAT HURTS… eck;
Manoeuver: check.

I think that I’ll be planning journeys to involve less looking over the left shoulder for a little while.

Can the current government not let a bandwagon pass without jumping on it? Less than a week after a documentary caused a student riot in the Holylands (in Belfast, not at the far end of the Med, if you’re not from these parts), uk.gov has come to the rescue. With another bloody law. ‘Cos we were in danger of running out of laws….

Anyway, this particular law says that the government (and it’s agencies) have the legal right to stop home owners redeveloping their house to allow more people to live in it. Which is very generous of the government, I say. Letting the proles make some minor changes without sticking it’s oar in.

Oh, wait. No they can’t. All ‘major’ electrical work needs to be checked, because people are far too dumb to be trusted with the black magic that is electricity. Good old state, saving us from ourselves. Where would we be without it?

I like the quote at the bottom:

Jane Rogers, of the Electrical Contractors Association, welcomed the new rules.

“We are fully confident that this is a major step forward in raising the standard of electrical work in the home,” she said.

Well, of course you’re happy. Your members will be getting much more business because people won’t feel that the Government Interferer will like their DIY. The people who actually do the DIY to save a bit of cash won’t be as happy, methinks.

From hYpe, over at b3ta. And it would have made D-Day considerably easier, methinks.

I start work at 7 on a Saturday. So, I have to leave the house at ten to. This is normally not a problem, but today there was the minor matter of a minor Ireland rugby match.

Now, I’ve mentioned my attitude on rugby. That is, I can’t stand it. Normally. But when it’s an Ireland international, then I am hooked.

So I was watching it right up until I left for work. And when I left, we were 19-9 down. Which was not good, obviously. We weren’t able to get the ball moving, and on the few occasions when we did, we fucked up. The rain was making ball handling difficult, and the wind was spoiling the kicking. So it didn’t look very promising.

And then I get a text when at work.

Ireland 21 Argies 19 God bless Ronan O’Gara! Drop goal in the 2nd 2 last minute

God bless Ronan O’Gara indeed. The final score actually read “Ronan O’Gara 21, Argentinia 19″. If we keep kicking our way to victory, people are going to compare us to England under Woodward…

Kerr has linked to a site that should be essential knowledge for everyone.

Oh yes people, it’s politicial correctness, written down. Words not to use, and when not to use them. And, in a typicially tolerant moment, I’ll admit that I do use some of the text on the right when I could use the text on the left. How 2004 of me.

However, now that I’ve seen that someone has made a list, I’m annoyed by it. And so, I think I’ll work against the arrows. So what I could call “first names” are now “Christian names”. A wife may now be mentioned as “the ball and chain”. The word “honey” may be used in public. And, god damn it, I’ll call a bunch of women “girls” if I feel the need to.

That is all.

What to do if you blow a lot of money you don’t have on shit?

Obviously, the correct answer is to sue to credit card company.

A New York woman who ran up debts of $951,000 on her Amex account is sueing the company for $2m for allowing her to hammer the plastic, Newsday reports.

Antoinette Millard, 40, says American Express should have realised she was mentally incompetent when she opened the sky’s-the-limit Centurion account. Her court filing states that American Express “knew or should have known that [Millard] was acting impulsively and and irrationally at the time she entered into contract”. She cites anorexia, depression, panic attacks and “head tumors” as contributory factors to her mental incompetence.

American Express has obtained a court order freezing $951,000 in assets belonging to the former vice president at the Brown Brothers Harriman investment bank. To add to Millard’s woes, she is currently on $100,000 bail awaiting trial on grand larceny charges after attempting to relieve an insurance company of $262,000 for jewellery she claims was stolen, but allegedly sold. If convicted, she faces up to 15 years’ jail.

I’ll be honest, I’d be much more worried if a bank was able to decide that you were mentally incompetent. But that’s not the issue here. The issue is that someone who was quite well off ($200,000+ of jewellery) and obviously not totally inept at business (VP at an investment bank) should be stupid enough to spend credit like that.

Oh, and then blames someone else for their stupidity. And, as this is america, then sues them for it.

The story continues…

Minister advocates ‘nanny state’

Children’s Minister Margaret Hodge has made the case for the “unsung virtues” of the nanny state.

In a somewhat related comment, I now know what I want for christmas. A New Labour cabinet, some rope, and a number of trees.

Some assembly required.

Apparently, parents can’t tell when their children are obese.

How, exactly, do you not notice that an orca is now sitting where your child used to? Huh?

Researchers surveyed parents of 277 children and found only a quarter of them recognised when their offspring were overweight.

By any chance was this survey carried out in Fatsville, Arizona?

Where children were obese, a third of mothers and 57% of fathers thought they were “about right”, the team at Derriford Hospital in Plymouth found.

So not Fatsville then…

Denial and desensitisation to excess weight were to blame for the lack of parental concern, the team said.

Although, maybe we should rename Plymouth as Fatsville, UK. If “desensitisation” to excess weight has taken hold to that extent.

I’ve got a new category: Lo: the choir calls. It’s to do with the choir mentioned here. It means that I’m writing about something that makes me want to scream, very loudly, “FUCK OFF”.

And, what do you know, there’s one of those things here.

Government accountants demand moon, stars and efficient government agencies.

The National Audit Office (NAO) says the agency has been too slow to introduce modern methods of traffic management used in other countries.

It should also be better prepared for big events such as sports fixtures and concerts, which can cause huge jams.
…
Although some progressive measures, such as the new M4 bus lane, had been adopted, their use remained limited, the NAO said.

NAO head Sir John Bourn urged the agency to carry out more effective trials of proposed congestion-reducing measures, and implement them more widely if they were successful.

SUGGESTIONS FROM THE NAO

• Give motorists more en-route information
• Target most appropriate technologies on busiest roads
• Be better prepared for major events and accidents

“Progressive” measures like stealing lanes from motorists and giving them to three buses an hour that are mostly empty? Give me more regressive measures then. More roads, please.

But the National Audit Office said the Highways Agency appeared unwilling to introduce these measures widely – in contrast to countries like Germany and the Netherlands.

Oh yes, if we’re gonna copy anything from them, how’s about taking the limits from the motorways? Otherwise, leave it. They drive on the wrong side of the road and don’t understand roundabouts. ‘Nuff said.

What a fantastic idea! You can have your phone monitor your activity. And scold you if you misbehave. Brilliant!

Beyond predictive texting the phone is touted as a device that predicts what you will do. The New Scientist reports possible applications include reminding you not to drink too much the night before an important presentation. Some people might balk as the idea of being monitored – and nagged – by their personal technology. But US scientists reckon they’ve hit on a winner.

I think if my phone tried to tell me to stop doing what I was doing, there would be almighty breakage. Oh yes.

And I think that the jackpot that aforementioned US scientists think they have one may include a beating at some point as well. “Here, peoples of the world, marvel at our marvelous life managing technology! It will be your diary, and you conscience! It will revolutionise your life!” People of the world: “Revolution, you say? Sweet. You’re first against the wall.”

Not that I’m fundamentally opposed to the idea, or anything…

Why use one word when you can use one hundred and fifty. And produce reports to agree with them. And have graphs. Oh, and put it all in powerpoint.

Jaysus. Hour and a half, when it could have been summed up in five minutes. “This works, this doesn’t (and this is why). We’ll do that then.”

Hell, I just summed it up in twelve words. Bollocks.

Ha. I turn the comments back on for three minutes, to see what’s happening, and BOOM, we have spam. Six instances. I like this one the best.

Look at what Christ said about sin. The sins of the flesh. He said that a man who
had looked after a woman lustfully had sinned as much as the man who had seduced
her. How absurd! If a man in good health does not experience some kind of sexual
reaction when he sees an attractive woman, there is something wrong with him. Paul
said some wicked things, but Christ started it. generic_lame_ass_gambling_site

Bastards. GET OFF MY SITE, COCKSUCKERS

Comments are switched off again. Bloody spammers with their shifting IPs and random text generation. Of the 70-odd that they’ve put on overnight though, only one has made it through, though, so it’s all good.

And, no, I’m not going to gamble or buy drugs from you people. And I’m not terribly impressed by your views on politics, truth or religion, so if you’d stop posting them as cover for your ads, it’d be appreciated.

Because Chez is a tad inept and let his site die, he’s using this space to ask:

Women: why do you behave the way you do? You drive me nuts. Both the good and the bad way.

Any answers?

On the way out of Belshalft, by the M2, there’s a lot of construction going on by Fortwilliam roundabout. It’s been ongoing for a few months now, and every time I drive by it, I’ve been wondering what it was. a) Because I’m nosey, and b) because it’s in a very inaccessable place. I’ve tried to see if there’s any sign posts up round it advertising any development, and I’ve checked the web. None the wiser.

Turns out it’s a train shed.

Mr Moffat said that a brand new ?11m train cleaning and stabling facility was being built at Fortwilliam to ensure that the new stock is kept in the best condition possible.

Because the existing Translink complex a mile down the line was inconvenient, maybe?

Ah, the joys of the open road. Whilst on the way into the office this morning, I was travelling at around 65 down a stretch of dual carriageway when some absolute bastard inept twat visually impaired moron person in a Yaris decided that they didn’t like their current position (in a side road about 75 yards ahead) and wanted to be in a more me-relevant position. Like cutting across the lane in front of me to get to the other side.

So, following the inevitable flashing of lights, calling of wanker and relaxing of self, I went back to driving, albeit with the old blood pressure a little higher.

And then the bloody Band Aid crap comes on the radio. With the fat one saying “Buy one copy, buy two copies, we don’t care, they just need your money”. Well, feck yez. I’ll throw Trócaire a few quid this christmas, but there is no way in hell that “Bob Geldof’s Multimedia Annoyances, Inc” is going to see a penny of mine. Unless I actually get to stick a fork in his eye. I’d gladly pay for that.

Oh, and am I the only one who, upon hearing the guitair bit in the middle of the track, expects Bull Pullman to appear and say “We’re going to live on, we’re going to survive. Today, we celebrate our Independence Day.”?

I am the only one. Oh well.