I didn't quite catch that...
I mentioned some time ago that a silly american had buggered up their lovely 688-class submarine.
Well, if you’re gonna mess something up, might as well mess it up good:
Big oopsie. Double oopsie.
You know, some people (myself included) would say that I was a cynical bastard. And as such, I’ma trifle concerned by the Rt. Hon. Charles Clarke’s change of heart on his wonderful ‘house arrest’ proposals.
The government is to make a key change to its plans to detain terror suspects under house arrest without trial.
Home Secretary Charles Clarke says he will amend the bill when it reaches the Lords so that he would have to apply to a judge before making a control order.
And he just decided that this should happen, right after it passes committee, where it can be discussed? What a cosmic coinkey-dink!
Reasons why I think Clarke may have done this:
- The Lords have been pretty much castrated in the last few years; if Blair wants to push something through he can, easily. He seems to have more control over the Lords than he does over his own Commons MPs.
- I know Clarke is smart enough not to be seen to wield this power. He’ll still wield it, but he knows that the British public hold the word of a High Court Judge in much higher regard than that of a politician. So basicially, the Home Secretary will still make the call, but it will be rubber stamped by a Judge. Which will make all the difference.
- It’s a cop out for the Tories. If push came to shove, the Tories would oppose this bill properly. But, under Howard, it would only be a last resort (because I think that Howard is a total control freak as well). By doing it this way, Clarke isn’t “forcing” the Tories to oppose it with committee time, which would be a huge vote winner.
So, I think that it was planned all along. And shows nothing but absolute comtempt for the procedure in place to safeguard Parliamentary democracy.
So, am I a bit annoyed? D’ya think?
I may have mentioned in the past that I listen to the radio at work, and when I’m driving as well. And, as such, I’m currently listening to it. And, in related news, the old blood pressure is rising.
Basicially, I like to listen to Radio1. And I’ll tell you why.
Commercial radio in this state, on the whole, sucks. The ads (every other song) are shite, tacky, and boring. The playlist is stupidly predicable. The DJ’s are just plain stupid.
So, the Beeb it is. However, they seem to be doing their best to alienate me. A breakdown of their line-up.
- Chris Moyles. The best popular show on the radio, bar none. While the fat one himself can get a tad annoying, the sheer depth of the team makes it work. It nearly always feels like a chat down t’pub. And Moyles has absolutely no fear of pushing the boundaries of taste and decency, which is always good. So, a big thumbs up for this show.
- Jo Whiley. So, so, so, so up herself, it’s unbelieveable. Sure, she generally plays decent enough music, but her voice, manner, and general attitude piss me off something chronic. I’d say this is a neutral show for me; not as annoying as the commercial alternatives, but not someone that’d make me listen to a station on her on.
- Colin & Edith. I had absolutely no hopes for this show. Previous listening to Mr Murray had left me very annoyed, and Edith always seemed to be the poor, unfunny, partner in her ‘work’ with Cat Deeley. But, much to my surprise, they seem to work. I didn’t think I’d ever say this, but they are much better than Mark & Lard (whom they replaced last year). A big thumbs up for this show too.
- Scott bloody Mills. This man is, quite possibly, the worst person on radio. Ever. He takes the worse of commercial radio, and puts it on on drivetime. If you want to know why I always leave work early, this is it. I just can’t stand this show. In fact, I’ll have to start a little list of “things about the Scott Mills show that annoy me”
- The callers. Mid link, you’ll get “hello, who’s this”, and then some random will come on and make some inane comment which adds nothing to the show other than to get Mills’ voice off the air for eight seconds.
- “Your call”. If you can’t be bothered to work out links for 5 – 5:45, why the fuck are you on at that time?
- ‘Celebrity calls’. They weren’t funny the first time, and they’re not funny now. It’s so cringeworthy, I can’t bear to listen to it. Even DTR wouldn’t play that shit.
- Mills, himself. And his voice. And his habit of spending at least half of his talk time on dull conversations with people who sound like they were given a choice of having teeth pulled or being on the radio.
To be fair, Flirt Divert is alright. And the Wonder Years on a Friday is good. The rest of it, though, sucks almighty balls. Please cancel and replace with anything. Silence would be a good start.
And that’s basicially the daytime lineup. Half good, a quarter alright, and a quarter bad. Very bad.
But why the sudden alienation? I mean, that line up has been the same since May. What happened to make me so pissed? Well, Sara fucking Cox is covering for Jo Whiley. I hate this woman.
Imagine this feeling: you have sensitive teeth, and are starving. The only food available is ice cream. So, you’re eating the ice cream, and the pain is searing. And the only noise you can hear is someone dragging their nails on a blackboard. Getting the feeling?
That’s what Sara bloody Cox does to me. And her jokes make me want to cause immediate physical harm to her. She is bloody unbearable. And she’s on all week. AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!
And breathe.
Anyway. Radio1 has an ace in the whole. A show that trumps all others. That is unbeatable, unassailable, unquestionable. To summarise, it rocks. It has fantastic tracks, it has very a very competent DJ, it has great interaction, it has great guests, and it does it all well.
Step forward, Annie Mac. Making up for all of Radio1′s weaknesses, and then some.
Anyone in the dark about the recent “split” in the Anglican Communion? Not sure who’s saying what? Well, fear not. The Rockall Times has this helpful summary:
Insiders expressed concern that the Church was splitting into two camps, with the North American camp being more camp than the Afro/European camp. Which is not to say that the latter camp is in any way in favour of campness although, paradoxically, many of its members are campanologists.
It really is amazing that so much first-rate journalism is comming from a tiny rock in the middle of the Atlantic, isn’t it?
I have to say, I’m impressed. Very impressed. A TV show managed to mention something that happened in the real world without it being totally artificial.
Basicially, and without giving any plot elements away, there was a scene in tonight’s 24 that featured US Marines. And, apparently, they used real Marines in the filming. Probably because it looked better on screen if the troops actually know what they’re supposed to be doing.
Then, at the end, once the clock had disappeared, it showed a picture, and this text:
This episode is dedicated to the memory of Lt. Col. Dave Greene of the Marine Light Attack Helicopter Squadron 775.
His sacrifice, and the sacrifice of all our men and women of the military, will never be forgotten.
Apparently, he’d been one of the pilots in the earlier scenes. And he died in Iraq last year. And it was actually a very well done and touching memorial. RIP, LTC Greene.
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A better explaination is here, but it also spoils quite heavily.
I had a big post worked out while I was at work. It delved into the depths of chavness (or spideness, as we prefer to call it in these parts). It passed through the goods and bads of alcohol. It passed through the vague dislike I have of the way the ice hockey was transplanted here. Oh, and it touched on the shortness of skirts, and why this is a very good thing on women who are legal.
And this post was huge. It weaved in and out of these topics, with complicated conjectures and that on each of the connections. It was a masterpiece.
I forgot it. I remembered what it was about, but kinda forgot all the details. Oops.
Anyway, it’ll all come back to me. At somepoint. I’m sure of it.
The National Missile Defence thingy. Or, as it’s often referred to by those opposed to it, the Son of Star Wars. A huge amount of money is being poured into this, and there seems to be little gain. Lots of tests have failed, as the land based interceptors just aren’t hitting the targets. So far, the hit rate on ICBM type targets is… feck all.
But that’s not the whole story. The NMD system isn’t just about the land based system. It’s also evolved into Theatre Missile Defence. Which means that, instead of a couple of launch sites guarding the whole of the continental US, there would be many, smaller sites guarding smaller areas from short- and medium- range ballistic missiles.
Why is this important? Well, no NMD system would be able to kill the hundreds of missiles that Russia could send, so that’s not what it’s aimed at. It’s aimed at the couple of dozen missiles that China could send, or the theoretical couple of missiles that North Korea could send.
TMD is designed for smaller, less complicated, and more widely available missiles. Think: scuds. Lots of these were fired in Gulf War I, and not a lot were stopped. So, to rectify this, they’ve been working on improvements to the land based Patriot missiles. Which have, so far, done a bit, but not enough.
But step back for a moment. Ask any paranoid* person in the US where they see the Next Big War happening, and they’ll probably say either North Korea or Taiwan. Which both have big ass bodies of water in the vicinity. So, obviously, a water based launcher would be a Good Thing.
So they got working on one. Basicially, it looks like they fiddled with the (decades old) Aegis system, put a new rocket on board, and found that it works. Five out of six tests have resulted in a sucess. So, part of the system is working. Which means that TMD is a distinct possibility, which means that the world is a little bit safer.
Which is nice.
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* – note that paranoid people are often the best people to be designing these sorts of things.
Since getting the 100% on GTA the other week, I’ve been at a bit of a loose end. So, to compensate, I’ve completed Jak III, which is entertaining enough, if a bit silly on it. I’ve also played a bit more Doom III. But, now I have a total solution.
Sonic Mega Collection. All the favourite Sonic games from the Mega Drive and GameGear. Brilliant.
As a young’un, I grew up with these games. My first ‘console’ was the fantastic GameGear, with it’s 8-bit goodness and tiny (colour and backlit!) screen. I had the Mega Drive as well, in later years. And the game that defined all of Sega’s consoles at the time was Sonic. That spikey blue hedgehog rules. And now I have the best of his games. On the PS2. Rawking.
Newton Emerson. A comic genius, behind the fantastic Portadown News paper, which hits at everyone who needs hitting in the small and silly world of Norn Iron.
And he also does columns for many, many papers. Including the Irish Times. Except for this week, when he just cut’n'pasted some Sinn Féin policies and called it a column.
A sample, you ask? But of course.
When it comes to formulating tax policy there has been one question that successive governments have been afraid to ask. Who is paying tax and more importantly who isn’t?
- from the 2003 Sinn F?in pre-budget submission
We need more inventive and positive ways of using the massive financial resources of the Irish banking sector.
- from the 2004 Sinn F?in pre-budget submission
It is essential to reform and re-weigh the taxation system in favour of the low paid and to increase the overall tax take by targeting wealth, speculative property and corporate profits. Measures should include:
End tax avoidance schemes.
Measured increase in Corporation Tax and increased Capital Gains Tax for owners of multiple residential properties.
Create a 50 per cent tax band for incomes in excess of ?100,000.
- from the 2005 Sinn F?in pre-budget submission
People, you couldn’t make it up. And, just so that you remember, Sinn Féin are fecking commies. I shit you not. Even if there wasn’t the recent unpleasantness to deal with.
I check my stats quite a lot. And I’ll say that the day looked normal as I left the office; a quick check showed that I was doing about normal for a day (about 60 a day is my average, I had 42 as I left work).
Then I got home, and as I was checking email (which I can’t do at work), I noticed something odd. The counter on the site seemed a bit… strange. So I checked the old sitemeter again.
Oh my.
Apparently, I got linked by Frank J. Which was nice, as I was only following instructions with the blogger quiz. Oh well.
Will someone please explain to the world that Jennifer Garner is stupidly overrated? She is just not as good as she’s made out to be. And yet she’s everywhere. The overrated ALIAS show. Daredevil. Pearl Harbour. Elektra. And now, maybe, possible, according to a guy who knows a guy, she may be playing the part of She-Ra.
How, hold on just a gosh-darned minute. She is going to defile the memory of the He-Man franchise? This cannot be permitted. Some of us grew up with this cartoon, with the toys, the stupid fan-ish following of the cartoon. And she’ll spoilt it with her stupid mannish acting.
If you’re inisting on using a dodgy new show as a basis to launch a career of defiling old characters, at least make it Dark Angel. Becuse Jessica Alba is so much easier on the eyes.
The Great Frank J. What can be said? He’s the man who protects us from Evil Puppy Blenders. He introduced us to Buck the Marine. He convinced the stunning sarahK to chase him across the US.
So, basicially, he is all that. And a bit more.
And he has set a quiz. And I thought I’d try answering it.
THE “WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?” BLOGGER QUIZ
1. Who the hell do you think you are?
WHO THE HELL DO I THINK I AM?!? Who the feck are you to be asking me that, you jumped up fool? I am the best, I am the brightest, and I’m gonna tattoo my name on your fricking eyelids just to make sure you remember me. Fear me, for I am ejh!
2. So, other than blogging, what’s your job? Do you work at some fast food joint, dumbass?
Dude, I work the door. You get me? I’m a fricking doorman, you want to start, just bring it. Oh, I also do a bit of civil servanting, but it’s not as fun.
3. Do you have like any experience in journalism, idiot?
Well, I once wiped my ass with a copy of the New York Times. How’s that for editorial instinct?
4. Do you even read newspapers?
Only the funnies. And grow-ed up literature like FHM. Oh, and the driving section of the Sunday Times.
5. Do you watch any other news than FOX News propaganda, you ignorant fool?
Dude, FOX have a news show? Why wasn’t I informed? Nah, I’m dead set on watching the BBC. Much funnier.
6. I bet you’re some moron talk radio listener too, huh?
Radio, that’s where the music comes from, right?
7. So, do you get a fax from the GOP each day for what to say, you @#$% Republican parrot?
I’m no @$% Republican. Cos over here they got all the guns, and I don’t. Which makes me sad.
8. Why do you and your blogger friends want to silence and fire everyone who disagrees with you, fascist?
BECAUSE YOU’RE ALL UNDESERVING FOOLS.
9. Are you completely ignorant of other countries, or do you actually own a passport?
I own two, so nah nah nah nah na.
10. Have you even been to another country, you dumb hick?
Yes. Several. Next question.
11. If your so keen on the war, why haven’t you signed up, chickenhawk?
Because the army over here has some… complications… for a young catholic fella like meself.
12. Do you have any idea of the horrors of war? Have you ever reached into a pile of goo that was your best friend’s face?
Not as such, no. I once ate a jelly bean that was a bit off. That was pretty horrifying.
13. Have you ever reached into any pile of goo?
Well, I once frequented a blog called This Is The Goo That I’ve Got. Does that count?
14. Once again, who the hell do you think you are?!
I’m the fella behind the fist heading for your face. Any more questions?
Feeling a bit annoyed at the minute. Whyfor, you deliberatly don’t ask? Well, because of the recent spate of speed camera bullshit.
The bit that gets me is the way that these cameras have been shown to be inaccurate to the degree of stupidity.
“I was completely shocked when I received the notice as driving is my livelihood. I knew a conviction for going 81mph in a 30mph limit would lead to me losing my licence and being suspended from work. It created a lot of stress and worry. My wife doesn’t work and I bring the money in.”
Luckily for Mr Martin, the bus’s tachograph showed that he had in fact been doing 29mph.
The Home Office, meanwhile, has launched an investigation into the use of long-range ProLaser III radar guns after Inverness Sheriff Court threw out a speeding prosecution against 34-year-old John MacGregor. The alleged speed junkie was clocked at 132mph – something which surprised both MacGregor and the court since his car has a flat-out top speed of 107mph.
Right, that’s two extreme cases where the driver was lucky enough to be able to prove that the cameras were totally wrong. What about all the people who’ve been done for doing 40 in a 30 where they didn’t have a tacograph to prove they were doing 29? What about all the people who receive their fixed penalty notice and can’t remember exactly what speed they were doing, so they don’t challenge the evidence?
What about if it had been an expert witness who had been so spectacularly wrong? Well, they’d reopen the cases of everyone convicted on the basis of their evidence.
Angela Cannings’ conviction was quashed in December 2003 when key medical evidence against her was discredited.
That evidence was from paediatrician Professor Sir Roy Meadow, called as an expert witness for the prosecution in many baby death cases.
So why has every case where someone has been convicted on the evidence of the cameras in question not been reopened? Why is an obviously defective system still trusted so completely?
Of course, we all know why.
Finally, and just to further provoke those readers with steam already coming out of their ears, we have the heartwarming news of what must be among the UK’s most lucrative speed cameras – stationed on the A610 in Nottinghamshire and with a five-year bonanaza of ?4.2m in fines. Its tireless work has accounted for almost a third of all speeding raps in the county, totalling 280,000 motor-borne ne’er-do-wells.
Now, if you’ll take this opportunity to make sure that all throwable objects are out of reach, all drinks are secured and traytables and seatbacks are in their upright and locked position…
Alison Richards, from the county’s “safety” camera partnership, told the BBC: “We’re definitely not cashing in. We have to look at driver responsibility first of all. All drivers should know – because they’ve passed their test – that the road signs indicate that they’re coming into a 30mph zone. So they should start to think about slowing down before they get to that 30mph speed limit.
“It is an absolute shame really that we’re in the position where cameras are hated so much and that people are paranoid that more cameras are being put up. If drivers slowed down and paid more attention on the road we wouldn’t have this issue of casualties or collisions and therefore we wouldn’t be looking at installing more cameras.”
IF SO MANY PEOPLE WEREN’T TERRIFIED ABOUT LOSING THEIR LICENCE BECAUSE OF ANAL ATTENTION TO FUCKING STUPID LAWS THEN THEY WOULD BE ABLE TO CONCENTRATE MORE ON DRIVING SAFELY INSTEAD OF STARING AT THE SPEEDO EVERY OTHER SECOND.
How’s that for a road safety idea? Instead of going zero-tolerance on speed, concentrate on using the judgement of officers to catch dangerous drivers. Worked for many, many years before governments caught onto the idea of making machines to round up the money more efficiently.
“We’re definitely not cashing in.” My arse you’re not, ya twat.
You know, there’s a huge amount of time, effort and money spent on the arts in this wee place. Not all of it is ‘official’ funding, but it’s there. It’s taking the form of some very purdy murals on walls, and other such nice things.
And now it may be spent on a fricking massive white elephant. I like it. London got the Dome, Scotland got their parliament building. We get a fricking ice cube.
Belfast artist Rita Duffy hopes to boost tourism and make a grand statement – by towing an iceberg into the city where the ill-fated ship was constructed.
“The plan is to take the iceberg from off the coast of Norway and bring it along the old Viking journey towards Belfast,” she said.
Built in Belfast’s Harland and Wolff shipyard, the Titanic is often seen as a cautionary tale of arrogant faith in technology versus the power of nature.
Ms Duffy has an altogether more positive interpretation of the ship’s collision with an iceberg in 1912.
“I like to think there’s a whole environmental aspect to this project where we could connect the thinking in Northern Ireland to serious political issues of a universal nature that we aren’t really investigating here.”
Excuse me? You have an altogether more positive interpretation of the deaths of hundreds of people? Because it’s good for the fucking environment? I have a serious question for Ms Duffy:
Are you fucking serious?
“It started with the narrative of the Titanic but I like to think we are pushing the thinking on a little bit and opening up the narrative, focussing on the regenerative and celebratory symbol of the iceberg,” she said.
Ms Duffy says the technology does exist to actually pull off the ambitious project.
…Ms Duffy admits there might be a problem getting the iceberg all the way up Belfast Lough, which is quite shallow, so they might have to run it aground at the Copeland Islands off the County Down coast.
…“This is a good way forward for Belfast – rather than rebuild the Titanic, we should actually look at what interrupted our journey,” she said.
Now, I’m no expert, but wouldn’t dropping a majassive block of ice in the middle of a major body of water, full of animals, and central to the economy of Norn Iron be, on the whole, a Bad Thing?? I mean, there’d be the changes to the microclimate, the problems caused by the deluge of fresh water once it melts, and the minor matter of a danger to shipping. Plus I think that the good citizens of the north coast of Co Down might have something to say about it.
Oh, and I don’t even want to think about what putting a big ice cube right under the approach to a busy airport would do. Methinks it may be a bit bumpy until said cube is melted.
And will someone, please, pretty please, explain to me what the feck “opening up the narrative, focussing on the regenerative and celebratory symbol of the iceberg” means? I’m taking it to mean something along the lines of “I took the yellow acid, weeeeeeehhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Oh, purdy iceburg”.
What are the odds she’s asking for arts council funding? Goverment funded stupidity, anyone?
Back in the day, it was all about the Blue Peter Badge. Sure, as a kid, there were other awards you could get. But none of them were held as highly as that piece of white plastic.
It was on Newsround and BP all the time: “… and don’t forget, Blue Peter Badge holders get in free.” And they were only given out for great achievements, like saving your mother when she had a heart attack, or curing halitosis.
Of course, that was Back In The Day™. Now, Blue Peter is all about the sexy girls making mistakes. But the minds of several generations have got the image of the Blue Peter Badge as the ultimate honour.
And now it seems that some of those affected are holding the reins of power:
Knights, dames and the Order of the British Empire (OBE) are set to survive a shake-up of the honours system.
A Blue Peter-style badge is also being considered for those with honours, the government said in its response to two reports on modernising the system.
Excellent. Museums and exhibitions will now have to let in people with the new “His Toniness’ Public Award Badage” for free! Alton Towers will offer them discounts! All those who received honours in the form of boring old silver medals will die of jealousy!* All will be great in the world!
And there will be more pictures of Zöe Salmon. Which is always a good thing.
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* – This is a Bad Thing, obviously, since some quite decent people hold said silver medals. Perhaps some kind of “new for old” exchange can bne arranged.
I face a difficult choice. On the one hand, I hate the whole “don’t offend anyone, and if you do, apologise” culture of PCness. On the other hand, I truely detest Ken Livingstone.
So, which side to take?
Well, I have to say, I’m all for the apology. For one, Red Ken is a total twat. For another, I hate the culture of charactarising people who disagree with lefty figures as Nazis/fascists/whatevers. For another, it should be reiterated that Red Ken is a twat, who talks about elections being stolen when he himself stole one*. Oh, and it’s a self centered twat to boot.
Basicially, my view is that I would take the side of anyone who opposed Livingstone, unless they were actually Hitler, Stalin or Pol fuken Pot**.
And if it had been anyone else comming out with similiar shite, ol’ Ken would have been shouting from the rooftops that their head should be on a spike. Can you imagine what he’d be like if Bush came out with that comment?
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** – List of persons is not complete, and may be added to at anytime. Nothing in this post should be taken as conclusive proof that sides would be taken. Do not take with humus. All opinions are held only by me and seven purple dolphins in the South China Sea. Anyway, if Stalin was about today, he’d be fighting the same causes that Ken would be, in all probability.
Well, it looks like it’s time to mark up one for the good guys. Initial reports say that voters in Edinburgh have voted against introducing a congestion charge. By a huge margin. Which is nice.
Obviously, though, it’s not that they’re opposed to the charge, it’s that the media were against it. Honest.
He refused to predict the result but said: “I think it would be astonishing if we do get a yes vote, because there has been such a campaign of misrepresentation in Edinburgh because people haven’t had the facts about congestion charging put before them.
“We have done the best we can, we haven’t got the local newspapers on our side, we don’t have the resources and that has made it difficult. But let’s wait and see.”
Actually, I’d say that they did have the facts in front of them. And maybe the local newspapers were against it because it’s actually a bad idea.
Nah, can’t be that. Surely taxing people based upon their movements in a free country couldn’t be a bad idea, could it?
So what was to be the point of the charge (may it and it’s proposers rest in horrible pain)
He [David Spaven, of TRANSform Scotland] explained: “It is not good enough to throw money at public transport, you also have to have traffic restraint, you have to have carrot and stick.
“If we don’t have congestion charging, where is the stick coming from? We will end up being also-rans in European transport policy instead of being at the cutting edge of European transport policy.”
I’m sorry, I think I misread you there. That reached my brain as “Ze publik must be herded like sheep, as ve do in ze glorious European superstate, und zey vill be punished if zey don’t behave”. Anyone else get that message? Anyone else get really annoyed when someone starts talking about taking a stick to the population to get them to see their point of view?
Anyway, well done to the 133,678 Edinburgh citizens who voted to shoot this one down.
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