I didn't quite catch that...

First, he disappears for a couple of days, leaving a lot of people quite concerned about his wellbeing. Then, he starts going on about how he liked watching a dog get gangbanged by a herd of goats.

It’s sick. It’s unsettling. It’s oh so very wrong.

Ladies and gentlemen, it’s Acidman. And he’s back.

How cool does this look:

Sure, it’s all there to point out enviromental waste and other green guff. But I just think it looks good. Much like the way I like yon Citroen ad, despite thinking the car looks a bit shite.

.. but on the French!

It is looking more likley that the great Franco-German project that is the EU will be dealt a serious blow by the French themselves. Now, the big Euro-fans are all saying that it’s not the end of the world, that the constitution would survive, and blah blah blah. Me, I’m a bit more cynical. I think that if the French reject it, then it’s not dead, but it would be crippled. It was written by a frenchman, it was written to a French agenda. And now the french say it’s not leftist enough. Genius.

And if, as looks likely, the UK says no to it as well, then that’s 120 million out of the EU population opting out. And it’s the richest 120 million. Sorry lads, but that would be the end game.

So, here’s to the French. Sure, you’re opposing it because it isn’t communist enough, but you’re opposing it anyway. Enemy of my enemy and all that…

Oh, and remember the ethos of the EU: do as you’re told by the elite euro-core, or else. When it’s one of the euro-core dissenting, who punishes them? Oh, right, nobody. They just change the rules in their favour.

So, I’ve been in the office for the last two hours. And only now are little things starting to work. Like the file server, email server, print server, and the net connection.

A productive start to the three day weekend? Why the flip not.

How weird is this? The old referral logs shows something interesting: I’m the number one result for nude celebrities in MSN Sweden.

So, all you swedes looking for Helga and Ulrika in the buff, welcome. You ain’t gonna find them here, but here’s a picture of some horse shit.

Enjoy the view, you nordic pervs!

I did not know that Lough Neagh was owned by this guy. You learn something new every day, don’t you?

I’d figured that it was owned privately, because most land over here was gifted to someone or other at some point in the last few hundred years, but I didn’t know that it’d all get caught up in murder cases in France. All very strange.

But anyway. The Water Council says that the government should step in and buy the Lough, because

The council is worried that it will be the water consumer who will have to pick up the bill in the future if the lough’s ownership becomes critical.

At the minute, water is extracted for free from the lough.
…
Any new charges would also be passed on, including extra charges for Lough Neagh, were they to be made.

I have a question for the esteemed people at the Water Council: if the state were to buy the Lough, where would the money come from? From general taxation. From us So, we’d end up paying now, to head off the possibility of paying later.

But that’s not the half of it. If the state owns the lough, who has to pay for accidents on it? Who insures it? Who looks out for the eel stocks?

The lough is the biggest body of freshwater in the British isles, with a surface area of over 150 square miles. What’s the price per square mile these days?

And, for the record, I don’t mind water charges. I don’t mind paying for something if I can see exactly what I’m paying for, rather than seeing it in a pie chart following a budget five years later.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, for your inspection, The Internet.

The Internet is a rapidly developing technology, which promises to revolutionise the way we work, communicate and live our lives. It has been developing for nearly forty years, but has only really entered widespread usage in the last decade.

And now the moaning begins. BBC reports:

Net-illiterate ‘failing children’

Internet-illiterate parents could leave their children on the wrong side of the digital divide, researchers have said.

Many parents lack the skills to help their child’s internet use, a London School of Economics study has said.

Holy hell. I took nearly 30 years from the start of ARPANET for it to become widely used by the public. It’s taken less than ten years from then for people to bitch about people being left behind, and to demand shit:

It called for literacy initiatives aimed at parents to help bridge the divide as well as an increase in going online together.

The study called for government and industry action.

Yes, the government will ride to the rescue. Never mind that most libraries have connections sitting there waiting for people to use. Ditto schools. Dittor offices. Internet cafes. Oh, and a box and connection can be yours for a couple of hundred quid. But no, it has to be the government’s job to get people tooled up to work the ‘net. “For the children”.

Considering he’s been bitching about the show being cancelled for a while now, young Brian should be pleased to hear that the trailer for Serenity is out now. Ie, the film set about the ship from Firefly.

Probably already knew about that, but we are here to provide a public service.

Every now and then, I wander over to Free Market Fairytales, generally after he’s quoted by KdT. Such was the case today.

I really should stop, because my health suffers every time I go near the place. Red mist descends, blood pressure rises, and the nice man from the Secure unit comes running with an ‘mild’ sedative.

It wasn’t even the post that Kim linked to that got me, it was this one, which touched on several things. One was all the work not being done to help the UK troops in Iraq vote. Another was the whole issue with NuLabour acting all dodgy with the postal voting. And a third was the way that cotton wool is now issued as standard.

Some examples, from the article.
More »

Taurus: (April. 20?May 20)
An innocent trip across town in your Abrams main battle tank to return a friend’s industrial-grade power tools will somehow result in your pulling off the bank heist of the century totally by accident.

Right, who told The Onion that I had an Abrams? Who was it?

Oh well. With the funds gained from this fortunate accident, maybe I’ll be able to pick up one of them planes I was asking for. Because, as we all know, to be the robbery of the century, you’ve got to beat a target of ?26.5 million.

I was wandering about the shops yesterday when I saw this in the window of Game. And I dismissed it as another cynical marketing effort. I mean, what’s possible way could you have a Star Wars/Lego game? Sure, I’ve a bit of Star Wars Lego, but how in the hell would someone actually make a game about it?

Obviously, someone had some idea.

But the reviews I’ve seen about make it seem fairly decent. Hmm. This presents me with a quandry: do I go and spend money on the game, or not?

Actually, it’s not that much of a quandry. This arrives tomorrow, so there will be 22 episodes of West Wingy goodness to keep me occupied for a wee while.

I want an A380. Obviously, I’d be needing some one to fly it, and someone to supply fuel, and probably somewhere to park it. But I still want one.

A plane big enough to have a walk in bar and a casino? Sweet. And now we know that it can actually fly, so that’s good.

Brought to my attention by Matt, try The Times Political Compass thingy.

Reagan, eh? Not too bad a result, me thinks…

Oh, and please pay attention to how far left (economicially) each of the UK political parties are. How depressing.

Hat tip to AtA.

Excellent. I now have a computer at work that was built since the turn of the millenium. Which is nice.

Less nice is the subsequent discovery that the never version of Java that is on the new computer is not compatible with the system I use to do my job. Which means that no computers bought after, say, 2004, will be able to use this system unless something is done.

Oh dear. Code-monkeys, to your stations!

Holy hell. I’m confuddled. More so than usual.

I find that Blair has opened his mouth, and something sensible has emerged!

Granted, the Tories said something better. And the LibDems started muttering to themselves and wandered off into the sunset of obscurity, but Blair. Sensible. Man, that was a shock.

Why sensible? Well, they’re not ruling out nuclear power. Sorry, they’re not ruling out building more power stations.

A re-elected Labour government would put nuclear power back on the agenda in an effort to meet targets on climate change, government sources have said.

And the other parties?

The Tories say there should be new nuclear stations provided they meet cost and waste concerns but the Lib Dems oppose the idea.

Of course, I’m not one to resist when the LibDems offer a chance to point out how farking stoopid they are.

Lib Dem environment spokesman Norman Baker said relying on nuclear power to tackle climate change was “like jumping from the frying pan to the fire”.

Switching from Labour to LibDem is like jumping from the frying pan into the fire. Sensibly considering nuclear power is the only option unless you can think of a way to drasticially reduce energy consumption in the UK.

Oh wait, you can. It’s what passes for economic policy in the LibDems. “Tax the rich (even more)! Tax the dead (even more)! Increase spending (even more)! Drive the economy into the ground!”

The Hitchhikers Guide is out in a few days. Can’t wait.

The hype is well and truely underway. But then, it was always going to be, what with the way people have been waiting for a film since about 1981.

Come on, damn you, hurry up. Wanna see film.

You know, I try. I really do. I take current events, and try to make them funny. Well, not really, I throw bile and hatred at them, and hope that it’s indistinguishable from ‘funny’ from a distance.

I tried it with Transport 2000′s stupid Top Gear banning nonsense. And I think I got sufficient bile heaped on top to do the job.

Then those bastards from Rockall come along and make me look stupid. OK, stupider.

UK society mobilises against Jeremy Clarkson

An alliance of Greens, Environmentalists, Road Safety Campaigners and Public Decency advocates are to lobby the next government to have BBC’s Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson banned. The alliance also includes the Campaign for Rural England, the Berkshire Soroptomist Chapter, the British Vauxhall Owners Club, Men Who Like Motorbikes, the Caravan Club, Kill Your Speed, the UK Woolie Pullie Confederation, UKIP and Christian Voice. Transport 2000, Sustrans, the Environment Agency, the Scottish Tourist Board, the Welsh Tourist Board, Plaid Cymru, the Vegan Society, the League Against Cruel Sports, the Women’s Institute, the Women’s Guild, Women’s Own Magazine, British Waterways, the Civil Aviation Authority and the EU also backed the plans to have Clarkson ? real name Jeremiah Dibnah Clarkson Jnr, 47 ? removed from his post at BBC2′s flagship motoring programme.
…
“Instead of driving Ferraris, Mr Clarkson should have a TV programme in which he rides bicycles and drives buses. He’d find driving a bus a lot more fun than driving a Ferrari,” said Steve Hounsham of Transport 2000. However, The Rockall Times conducted a poll amongst 127,500 bus drivers and found 99.8 per cent preferred driving Ferraris.

Oh well. Back to the day job.

• “Do you have a sledgehammer or a brick handy?”
• “That’s right, not even McGyver could fix it.”
• “So — what are you wearing?”
• “Duuuuuude! Bummer!”
• “Looks like you’re gonna need some new dilithium crystals, Cap’n.”
• “Press 1 for Support. Press 2 if you’re with 60 Minutes. Press 3 if you’re with the FTC.”
• “We can fix this, but you’re gonna need a butter knife, a roll of duct tape, and a car battery.”
• “In layman’s terms, we call that the Hindenburg Effect.”
• “Hold on a second… Mom! Timmy’s hitting me!”
• “Okay, turn to page 523 in your copy of Dianetics.”
• “Please hold for Mr. Gates’ attorney.”

The old ones are the best.

Have you heard the latest? It seems that, along with all the other qualifications that being an International Rock Star?, the holder of said position automaticially becomes the person best placed to bully duly-elected heads of governments.

No really, it does.

U2 frontman Bono has condemned the Canadian prime minister for failing to meet a pledge to boost the country’s commitment to foreign aid.

The rock star said he was “bewildered” at Paul Martin, adding he did not believe the politician “would want to hold up history”.

Obviously, I’m generally in favour of causing funny things to happen to the Canadians, but this is taking the biscuit. We know that their military is lacking somewhat, but I think that they could safely take care of Bono. For the sake of the world, please ‘take care’ of Bono.