I didn't quite catch that...

And you thought it was ‘cos I was away out on the piss, didn’t you?

No, it’s because Star Wars: Battlefront II is here.

Initial impressions: the graphics don’t seem to be as good as the first one. And it is a bit more cluttered. But you can do a lot more, and the battles are on a larger scale. Oh, and there are more definitive objectives. And a narrator. It’s good.

Anyway. I’m away off to kill some rebel scum. As you do.

To government giveth, the government taketh away.

A ban on passengers drinking alcohol on public transport is being considered by the government as part of a crackdown on binge drinking.
The move is designed to stop passengers being terrorised by drunken yobs on trains and buses, and would also stop travellers having a drink with meals.

I don’t get this at all. Any time I’ve noticed a problem with drunkards on public transport, it’s not because they’ve been drinking on the bus/train/whatever, it’s because they were drunk when they got on in the first place. How is banning drinking on the bus going to prevent that.

Oh, and it’s all mind-numbing, spirit-crushing, thou-shalt-do-as-thou-are-told bullshit. No, you won’t be allowed to while away the hours on a train by having a beverage with your friends, because alcohol is bad.

This proposal is like many of the brain farts that the government have come up with recently: it won’t fix the problem and it will cause a lot of inconvenience to all the normal people in the country. Brilliant.

Ken Livingstong, 2001:

“Only a ghastly dehumanised moron would want to get rid of the Routemaster”

2005:

Mayor Ken Livingstone has argued for the cull on the basis that Routemasters cannot take wheelchairs and that bendy buses carry more people (though more of them have to stand). But the bendy buses also block city streets, encourage fare-dodging and leave every passenger, including the disabled, to fend for themselves.

Ah yes. It’s got character, and this character was not sanctioned by Mr Livingstone. Therefore it must be destroyed. Plain and simple.

I’ve only been on Routemasters a couple of times, but I’d still much rather have one of them than one of the fecking bendy buses. They’re just stupid in a city like London, with narrow, winding streets and wide pavements. Recipe for disaster, there.

I’m not french, for a start.

Which Historical Lunatic Are You?
From the fecund loins of Rum and Monkey.

Hat tip to Nelly.

Ever want to see Yoda do some of the hippidy-hoppidy dancing? No? Well then, don’t go clicking on the little breakdancing Yoda.

Imagine a marketing meeting. A brand needs to add a bit of oomph to it’s message. Something that will show them to be that little bit more hip, hot’n'happening than they were before.

I know! Lets build a glass studio, and put it in the middle of a busy nightspot.

Sure, it may be sandwiched between a bowling alley and a pizza shop, but it’s in the middle of several clubs, bars and the like. Brilliant. No chances of:

• Drunken idiots vomiting all over the thing.
• Drunken idiots urinating all over the thing.
• Drunken idiots fighting infront of and then bleeding all over the thing.
• Drunken idiots hijacking the thing.
• etc…

A couple of words of advice to Cool: a) you’re trying too hard, and therefore are not cool; and b) you need to sack whoever thought of this idea.

See? I’m offering constructive criticism. I’m always being told to be more helpful, and so I try to be.

What a wonderful idea. Instead of getting government proclaimations via the media, or going looking for them, let’s just communicate them straight to the subjects citizens.

One aspect of this would be using new methods to get the government’s message across directly to the public, rather than always going via the traditional Westminster media route.

This could include “limited” text messages, such as promoting anti-drugs events to young people, and targeting messages directly to companies’ own internal communications.

Sweet! And then everybody in the office could, at some centrally scheduled time, watch the same output, direct from the government. Maybe this idea has legs. I see that it’s suggested by the Permanent Secretary of Government Communications. Boring title.

We need something more catchy. What does it do? Well, it makes inventive new information technology revolutionise user education. Hmm. What does that shorten to? MINITRUE? Would that work?

And there was me thinking things were improving.

Apparently not.

It saddens me that, in this day and age, a country can still get away with calling for the complete destruction of another. If anything, behaviour like this could (and should) shoot the concept of ‘international law’ down, completely. How can you say that there is a valid rule of law when such blatent shit is allowed.

Oh, it’s not allowed, you say? Well, I’ll believe that when the fella stops talking like that. Blair can condem it all he wants, young Mr Annan can offer mild rebukes, but the fact remains that nothing can be done to stop this behaviour short oof strong sanctions, or military action. Or maybe a long-term covert plan to try and grab hearts and minds within Iran (joined with a covert plan to take power from the mullahs).

I particularly like this bit:

Iran has dismissed the international furore as a means of pressing Iran to compromise on its nuclear programme.

Or perhaps it’s a means of trying to tell people that genocide is so not cool. And that countries which preach it should not be allowed to develop weapons capable of carrying it out.

I’ll be honest, I’m a little concerned about the whole bird flu thing. Only a little concerned, mind. Not this concerned. Not as concerned as the BBC, either. But a little concerned.

Of course, this makes me a little less worried. If it gets rid of Donald, it can’t be all bad, can it?

Note to self: try not to draw conclusions based upon news photographs and books you’re reading. It ends up with you immediately thinking that this photo means that Tony Blair is in league with The Shadow.

True, a lot of his actions and attitudes would support that conclusion, but it should be remembered that the Wheel of Time is fiction, whereas Mr Blair’s inherent evilness is very, very real.

Yay. Today, I get to be evicted from the office so that training can be done. What fun. Do I know where I’m supposed to be during this training? Hell no. So I’m currently sitting at my own desk, waiting for the eviction.

Oh well. Could be worse. I could be threatened with an ASBO for some bullshit reason. How does a multinational retain chain get threatened with an ASBO, anyway?

Anyway, sit back, enjoy some drama, and have a nice day, y’all.

Saddam: You want answers?

Jaafar Moussawi (chief prosecuting attorney): I think I’m entitled to them.

Saddam: You want answers?

Moussawi: I want the truth!

Saddam: “You can’t handle the truth!…Son, we live in a world that has Kurds, and those Kurds have to be killed by men with mustard gas. Who’s gonna do it?… You?… Some Jew named Weinberg?

Lookee here. How’s that for an idea? How better to experience the amazing views of the Grand Canyon than standing on a piece of glass held over it.

Sure, it’d scare the shite clean out of me, but it would be a fantastic experience.

Look at the height of that. Looks like three times the Empire State Building. Directly under your feet. With nothing but glass. With this view:

I think it would be worth the buttock-clenching fear, for that view. Especially since I’ve seen the Canyon already, and it was amazing to see with your feet on rock.

So, what news today? How about the way that, despite the government saying it would be impractical to issue passports seperate to the ID scheme, they’re gonna do it anyway. Just for those people lucky enough to not live in the UK.

Or how about the inevitable rise of petty bureaucrats if the ID card is brought in?

No? How about this? Is it right for government to lean on ISPs to get them to block content, no matter how sick that content is? Where does the line lie between freedom of expression and protection of children? Remember, there were child abusers before the internet, and the methods they used then can always be resurrected. And I don’t remember too many news stories of people being caught picking up brown envelopes of pictures. Whereas Operation Ore has netted one or two people.

But hey, it’s For The Children?.

All that time spent, all that sweat, all that work that I’ve put in, and this is how I’m repaid?

So, I’ll not be giving up the day job then. Or the night job, for that matter.

Hat tip to her-with-the-sick-pictures.

Readers of the previous post may assume that I’m all against environmentalism. I’m not, per se. I’m against a) environmentalism being pushed down people’s throats with a force only exceeded by the Spanish Inquisition; and b) environmentalism being fashionable and cool.

For I am an intrinsically uncool person. I don’t like to follow fashion. My hairstyle has remained the same for years, and has done so mainly because it requires exactly nothing in the way of care. My musical tastes don’t extend to Franz Ferdinand or the Kaiser Chiefs. I have never knowingly read GQ. I think that David Beckham looks like a right fool most of the time. I wear what I’m comfortable in, not what people say I should wear. I don’t like the look of iPods.

And I really don’t like the fashionable embrace of environmental causes by the subjects of Heat!, OK! et al. Because I get the feeling that they’re just parroting what their image consultants are telling them.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes. The inspiration of this little post came from both my last post and the Clarkson’s column from Sunday. Which was how fashion has now extended into cars, and how this is a bad thing. But it makes a little mention of environmentalism, and not in a good way. Which pleases me.

Maybe because it?s cool to be green ? there has to be some reason why environmentalism is so popular because it?s got damn all to do with science ? school-run mums are unwilling to tool around in a Commander Straker Tonka toy.

Ah, the old favourite. Pointing out that that being green is not proven to be any more sensible than not being green. Which is true. And has the added benefit, to me anyways, of being uncool. Double bonus.

Oh, and yon Audi looks pretty damn cool. If it wasn’t an Audi, I’d have one.

What are the Olympics? A trial of physical ability? The chance for sportsmen and women to showcase their talents in fair competition against the rest of the world? An opportunity for countries to engage in a little harmless nationalism? A tranzi plot?

Or is it just an opening for enviro-nuts to preach?

What targets did the London2012 crew look to meet?

“We were looking for maximum positive sustainable legacy in regards to physical infrastructure, redevelopment, design standards, waste management, public transport and environmental consciousness,” added Mr Balderstone.

Right, I can see the case for the first three. Olympic stadia should be imposing, capable and good to look at. But what the hell are the last three doing there? Waste fricking management? Environmental consciousness? Big red busses? How are these matters for the IOC? We award the 2012 Olympics to London, based entirely on their decision to use 1.2m diameter sewer pipes, instead of the 1.1m pipes offered by Paris. Oh, and their buses are that little bit more red. And they use more hemp in their design.

Farking hippies. Still, it’ll be interesting to see how many people bother to turn up when it is noticed that the only parking will be used up by the successors to fatty two Jags and Red Ken (with his taxi expenses).

The circus goes on. It’s been nearly a year since John Peel died. I could understand Radio1′s John Peel Day; he was a bigger part of the station than anyone else. I could understand the renaming of a Glasto stage; he was as much a part of the Glastonbury experience (on TV, anyway) as Michael Eavis is. I could understand the (auto)biography, because he’d started it and his family finished.

It’s the tribute CDs, the flowers, the embroidery, the collectables, and all that assorted stuff. It’s all relentless cashing in on an image of somebody who can’t do anything to stop it. It happened with Diana and others. But I think that this annoys me more because young Di was not, to be fair, averse to a courting a little attention, whereas Peel was about putting attention on others.

Plus, all this false sentimentality annoys the bejeezus out of me. Not that I’m easily annoyed.

First off, Monday mornings are not the best time for me.

Secondly, winter mornings, with their inherent darkness, do not make me feel better.

Thirdly, not having a good night’s sleep doesn’t contribute to my happiness.

Fourthly, Milla is not a boat, which was a tad inconvenient this morning.

All in all, shaping up to be a brilliant day.

What’d I miss? Anything big?

Oh, and this is very good. I heartily recommend it.

I’ll be away from the computer for a couple of days. I’m sure you’ll all be able to get over the pain and go on with your lives with only a moderate amount of despair.

Thatisall.