I didn't quite catch that...

It was just a couple of weeks ago that I was putting my hand up and admitting to the world that I was sometimes a little useless, especially when it comes to visiting people.

Then, it was the sister that I’d finally gotten round to visiting, after she’d lived in that part of the world for a good few years.

This weekend, it was a mate who’s been living in England for a few years, without so much as a visit from myself.

This was corrected; myself and a couple of others flew to Manchester, and TLG joined by road. Which was nice.

Some notes:

• There seems to be something of a theme on a couple of blogs about seeing Wanted, so I got involved in that. And it was a perfectly good popcorn flick, made all the better by unexpected swearing from the esteemed Morgan Freeman. I recommend.
• Fried breakfasts are the way forward.
• Cinema style home projection systems are also the way forward, especially if you’ve got a bedroom big enough. By which I mean having a bedroom with more floor space than my entire house…
• Mojo bar in Manchester is very good.
• Even if it is frequented by one Vernon Kay, who left after someone in our party harassed him for a photo…
• Strange is the night when I’m the most sober at the end of it.
• Sleeping in an actual cupboard can be more comfortable than you may think. Especially if said cupboard is actually bigger than your bedroom.
• Cash machines in Manchester are somewhat more personalised than those I’ve seen elsewhere…

That last one may need some explaining.

This was the bank note handed out to me by one such ATM. And it’s clearly instructing me that there should be *no sexin’ * and *no kissing*.

Which is somewhat rude of the ATM, I though. No need…

But I’m back now, and about to go into work. I wasn’t hungover yesterday and didn’t drink last night. So do you think that they’d accept hungoverness as an excuse for sitting and sleeping at the desk all morning? I could do with a bit more shut-eye…

I think I should point our, here and now, that I’m a fan of discrimination. And I discriminate quite a lot.

I discriminate when I shop: I choose between items. I may, for example, choose to buy bananas and not apples.

I discriminate when I choose to go out: I may choose to go with people I like, and not people I dislike.

I discriminate when I donate money: I may give to one charity and not to another because I prefer the one to the other.

I discriminate when I sleep: I sometimes sleep on one side, and not the other.

Discrimination is not a bad thing; it’s an essential part of the whole ‘Free Will’ concept.

Which is why I get really pissed off when people say that we must put an end to discrimination in all its forms. I really want to know how the people who propose this imagine the world when nobody can make choices based on discriminating factors.

It’ll probably look a little like this:

An eight-year-old boy has sparked an unlikely outcry in Sweden after failing to invite two of his classmates to his birthday party.

The boy’s school says he has violated the children’s rights and has complained to the Swedish Parliament.

The school, in Lund, southern Sweden, argues that if invitations are handed out on school premises then it must ensure there is no discrimination.

What. The. Flying. Fuck.

A private citizen decided that a private party was to be had, with a guest list of their choosing. And employees of the state decided that the guest list wasn’t to their liking and obstructed it.

That’s fairly fucking scary, you know.

Incidentally, other discrimination was to be found this evening. In that I wanted Spain to win. And they did. Hooray.

Could someone please lend me $7,900 (plus shipping)? Because I gots to get me one of these, as pointed out by el Reg.

If you’re a really, really big fan of the recent reinterpretation of Battlestar Galactica and have $8000 not doing anything, you could invest in your very own 7ft-tall Cylon Centurion.
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The towering replica features the “haunting visor light of the robotic soldier synchronized to the menacing, eerie hum” of the machine determined to destroy mankind.

Hell, I even have someone to put such a wondrous contraption, once I get round to shifting that fish tank that’s been empty for three years…

Come on, you don’t think it would be cool? Kicking back, watching the best TV series currently in production with thon thing thummmmmmmmm-ing away in the corner?

As I say, I wants one of them…

I’m sure that those of you reading from within Norn Iron can remember the good old days of security checks, closed roads, closed town centres, all that.

For those of you from outside: here’s a sample: the security gates on major roads that could turn most of West Belfast into one big holding pen; the housing estates that could be closed to all road traffic merely by the judicious parking of a single armoured car; every car getting to within a mile of the airport being stopped and ID checked; the men in the little huts around Belfast city centre checking everything, the ban on vehicles in parts of the city centre.

Basically, the huge amount of rules, regulations, high tensile steel and concrete that attempted to stop terrorists getting to their targets.

Those both within and without Norn Iron will also likely remember this: the bombs still went off. People still died. Property was still destroyed. From Royal Avenue to Thiepval Barracks – hell, to Downing Street – these fortifications didn’t stop terrorist attacks.

So will someone please take this ‘security expert’ to one side and ask him what he suggests to make airports completely impervious to terrorists?

A terrorism expert has warned that UK airports are still vulnerable, one year on from the attack on Glasgow Airport.

Security consultant Chris Yates said many of the changes put in place at Glasgow had been copied at other airports around the world.

But he said that although some “weak points” in airport security had been addressed, others remained.

There is one glaring “weak point”: the general public need to be able to get to the airport, otherwise there isn’t any point in having the airport. And no matter how much you harden the target, that weak point will remain. All the rest – the nonsensical bans on picking up passengers from the terminal, the little bags for fluids, all that – is merely theatre. Smoke and mirrors to provide an illusion of security.

But we accept it; we accept the re-emergence of the huts at points of access and the concrete bollards. We accept the queues to produce our bags of toothpaste. We baa and shuffle along like the sheep that we are. And if we don’t we’ll get added to a list somewhere, in all probability.

It makes me a little sad, it really does…

Gordon apparently wants us all to live in a nice, green land with a low carbon footprint.

A glance at some figures would lead me to suggest that that’s not entirely likely…

Not that that’ll stop him firing on ahead, mind. It looks like he’s got this into his head as a topic on which he can appear to be a leader, rather than a total muppet who just happens to be in the driving seat. Good luck with that.

Happy birthday to ya, happy birthday to ya…

Etc etc

To mark his first year in office, Labour lose their deposit in Henley.

What this means for the shocking state of Labour’s finances is anyone’s guess.

How’s this for a shocking series of events:

1. Government thinks up marvellous new security technique that will save lives, at no cost or inconvenience to the public.
2. Public says ‘huh?’
3. Government quietly announces that it will cost a vast amount of money, will constitute a massive invasion of privacy and will be massively inconvenient both to those using it and the general public.
4. Public says ‘er, not convinced’.
5. Government runs small pilot scheme
6. Public get annoyed by pilot scheme for being massively expensive, invasive and inconvenient
7. Pilot scheme comprehensively proves that the idea can’t work
8. Government decided to go ahead anyway, and doubles the initial budget
9. Idea continues to prove that it won’t work
10. Government scraps idea

Yeah, that last on doesn’t seem to belong, does it. Nonetheless, it appears to have happened.

The Brown government has changed its mind on placing security scanners at every London tube station and mainline train stations across the country, because the technology does not work and the public would not tolerate the long delays such scanning would require.

Despite doubts from London Underground after the original trials Gordon Brown gave the scheme his support in November 2007. London Underground questioned the practicality of the technology as well as worrying that the queues created would provide a new target for terrorists.

But today Tom Harris, Under-Secretary of State for Transport, said the project would be abandoned because achieving airport-style screening is not feasible using today’s technology, and the public would not stand for the delays caused and the invasion of privacy involved.

Now, if only they’ll realise the same thing about all those other wonderful government ideas that will never work, no matter how much of our money they throw at it. Like ID cards, children’s databases, bar-coding the populace, etc etc etc…

Truespeak is finally entering the mainstream, with government openly promoting wrongs by naming them for their opposite.

It’s been happening for a long time; the Ministry of Justice deals with the lack of justice, the Department of Education deals with dumbing down and the Ministry of Health deals with sickness.

But all of that has been blown out of the water by the Equality Bill, which openly promotes discrimination against an ethnic group (to whit, whitey) and against a specific gender (to whit, those with the XY combination).

Harriet Harman has defended plans to make it legal for firms to discriminate in favour of female and ethnic minorities job candidates.

The equalities minister said firms should be able to choose a woman over a man of equal ability if they want to.

But fear not, other types of discrimination will be outlawed. Against hiring someone for a training post three weeks before they plan to retire, for example. But not really, of course:

Age discrimination will also be outlawed in the provision of goods and services, such as holidays and insurance.
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Other age distinctions, such as free bus passes and holidays for the over-50s or 18-to-30s, will be exempt.

I assume, then, that discrimination against males in the field of insurance will be made illegal? Just because we’re a proven higher insurance risk doesn’t mean that we should have to pay more, does it?

Oh wait, no. That won’t be happening. Because it would be daft. But don’t let that get in the way of doing the same for old people…

Sweet Jaysus. How did we get to the point where this was even considered, let alone had a decent chance of becoming law?

Woe is Nintendo, for they are apparently on Greenpeace’s shit list.

Games firm Nintendo has come bottom of a ranking of the world’s most eco-friendly electronics firms.

The quarterly Greenpeace Guide to Greener Electronics ranks 18 electronics firms by how green their production processes and products are.

In the latest guide most firms have seen their ranking plummet as the charity introduced new, stricter guidelines for evaluating companies.

Booooo to Nintendo. But wait…

Nintendo said its scored low because it had not provided data for the survey.

“Greenpeace chose to conduct a survey and produce a report, which graded companies upon the voluntary submission of information,” the firm said in a statement.

“Nintendo decided not to take part in the survey and were therefore ‘ungraded’ in the resulting report.

But Greenpeace countered the company’s statement and insisted it had been graded.

“There is no choice,” Iza Kruszewska, toxics campaigner for Greenpeace, told BBC News.

She said the charity had regularly contacted the games firm since 2007 but had not had any response. The charity had been forced to use information from Nintendo’s website, she said.

“”They’ve decided not to engage,” she said.

So, dance to Greenpeace’s tune or be pummelled by the world media… That’s pretty fair, don’t you think?

Reason MCXXXVI to dislike and distrust Greenpeace, methinks…

Back in the dark days of my first year at university, the courses I actually got my teeth into most (and did best in) were not really computer related at all. Oh, they were definite Computer Science courses (CS119 and CS122, if memory serves), but they were there to try and give us scientists a real world skill. CS119, you see, was titled Writing for Computer Scientists, and CS122 was Professional Aspects of Computing.

For 119, I wrote about Pratchett. Which was fun.

And for 122, I wrote 2,500 words on The Regulation of Investigatory Powers Act 2000 is probably the most controversial piece of computer related legislation enacted in the UK. Discuss its likely impact on society.

Which meant that I could spend a lot of time reading, researching and generally getting worked up about invasive statism, and get marks for it.

Back then, I wasn’t really much bothered by the whole concept, but by fuck, at the end of that essay I was the paranoid, anti-big-government loon you know and mock. I ended that essay with the following summation:

In summary, the introduction of the Regulation of Investigatory Powers Act will have many wide-ranging effects on British society, most of which are questionable at best. There are benefits, in the form of increased security and legal redress, but the disadvantages, in my opinion, outweigh them. We are losing some of our civil rights under this act, which allow the government and it’s agents to spy on us without our knowledge, and on the flimsiest of excuses. We may lose business and the respect of other nations. As a society, Britain has always allowed considerable invasion of privacy by the government; many would say that this is the result of the strength of our democratic system and military, which has always prevented any real threat getting into place (e.g. dictatorships or invasion). However, RIPA plays on this, and may well be the straw that broke the camels back. We will see if this happens when it is challenged in court.

Now, I wrote that back in 2001, before 9/11 and before the further massive grasps of powers that have taken place using 9/11 as an excuse. And I thought, then, that I was being stupidly paranoid, but that the essay topic warranted it.

Turns out that I may not have been quite paranoid enough.

Councils warned over spying laws

Councils in England have been urged to review the way they use surveillance powers to investigate suspected crime.

Under laws brought in to help fight terrorism, councils can access phone and e-mail records and use surveillance to detect or stop a criminal offence.

But Local Government Association chairman Sir Simon Milton has written to councils warning overzealous use of the powers could alienate the public.

They should not be used for “trivial offences” such as dog fouling, he adds.

These powers, that were brought in with the specified purpose of fighting serious international crime and terrorism have instead been widely used to target people applying for schools and those who let their dog shit on the pavement.

And you wonder why I’m quite so worked up about 42-day detention and ID cards?

My problem isn’t my paranoia; it’s the way that my paranoia has been too mild…

From the delightfully titled ToryScum:

Jim Davidson is clearly Tory Scum and I’m relieved he finally left the country.

However, your next Celebra-tory should be Paul Daniels – remember how he threatened to leave the country in 1997 if Labour got in, but never did? Probably increased turnout for Labour by several thousand.

Now, this is merely a comment on a blog, but it was a widespread comment at the time. The conventional wisdom was that, if people didn’t like the result of the 1997 election, then they could either lump it or leave. In the end, few of those who said that they would leave actually did, but that merely increased the crowing of those who were celebrating victory.

Now, yesterday’s news.

An aide to London Mayor Boris Johnson has resigned after making a comment to a reporter which sparked a race row.
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In his online article he [Reporter Marc Wadsworth] writes: “I pointed out to him a critical comment of Voice columnist Darcus Howe that the election of ‘Boris Johnson, a right-wing Conservative, might just trigger off a mass exodus of older Caribbean migrants back to our homelands’.

“He retorted: ‘Well, let them go if they don’t like it here.’ McGrath dismissed Mr Howe as ‘shrill’.”

What, exactly, is it that makes the second comment – made off the cuff in response to a specific challenge – worse than the legion of comments in the style of the first? I’ve looked quite closely and can’t see anything that doesn’t reflect the inbuilt racism of the accuser, rather than any racism on the part of Mr McGrath…

Following on from last week’s nice picture, a couple of others relating to the Irish ‘no’ caught my eye over the weekend.

The first from the newly discovered website Horny 4 Truth, which is stunningly insightful and not a little bit disturbing…

And the other from a slightly less disturbing, but no less insightful, from the Economist. Which had more meaningful text to go along with the rather purdy imagery.

VOTERS have once again shot an arrow into the heart of a European Union treaty. This time it was the Irish, who voted no to the Lisbon treaty on June 12th by 53-47%, on a high turnout.
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Ireland is a small country, to be sure. But the EU is an inter-governmental organisation that needs a consensus to proceed. It is bogus to claim that 1m voters are thwarting the will of 495m Europeans by blocking this treaty. Referendums would have been lost in many other countries had their people been given a say. Voters have thrice said no to this mess of pottage. It is time their verdict was respected.

Amen.

So, anyway, how were your weekends? G’wan, provide me with content, I really can’t be bothered to think today…

I’m not (technically) tech support. I’m no BOFH, and I certainly don’t get paid enough to do it.

However, since I’ve made the mistake of fixing a couple of minor problems for people over the years, I seem to have been drawn into the role unpaid. Which is a pain in the arse, frankly. Especially since 92.1% of it is fixed by the traditional turn it off, leave ten seconds, turn it back on or stop downloading every damn thing you see on t’internet approachs, which never seems to occur to other people…

That said, occasional problem arises that poses a challenge. Sort of like this one.

One day (back in the time of mainframes) he received a phone call from a user who reported that the characters on his new, dumb terminal were appearing fine, were making perfect sense and were perfectly readable: the only problem was that they were upside down.

Obviously, on inspection, the monitor in this case was upside down. Easily fixed.

Whereas someone in me ma’s shop once managed to orientate the screen on a till 90° to the left. Without moving the monitor, without having access to any display properties, without any recollection of how it was done.

To this day, I still don’t know how she did it. But to be fair, neither do I know how I fixed it…

This story was brought to you by Scraping The Bottom Of The Barrel News, because I can’t be arsed thinking today. And wha?

I understand that the trick among tourism development people is to create or push to the front a unique thing for the area being promoted; something that is particular to that one place and that will stick in the mind.

New York has lots of these: Lady Liberty and the Empire State Building are to the fore. London has more: Big Ben and Buck Palace being the two that most Merkians would recognise. Dublin has St James’ Gate. The list goes on.

Belfast has the legacy of the Troubles and the legacy of building the worlds most famous sinking ship.

Which do you promote more then? It’s a bit of a catch-22: neither is particularly confidence inspiring, when you look at them…

Luckily, there’s that one film to tip the balance. Because 1,500 deaths a century ago is much less depressing that 3,000 more recently…

Hence the rather strange plans afoot down round the Odyssey.

This picture didn’t make me reflect on Belfast’s maritime history. Nor did it make me think of the terrible loss of life. And it certainly didn’t make me hopeful for the future of the Titanic Quarter. No, it put me in mind of one of thon boat’s other film appearances…

Which probably isn’t the image that the designers were hoping for, to be honest…

Taurus April 20 – May 20

The mere mention of your name strikes fear and terror in the hearts of men, though that’s mainly because it’s so difficult to pronounce.

I’ve had people mishear, misspell and mispronounce my name many many times.

How the fuck can you mishear, misspell or mispronounce Ed? Seriously, it’s the shortest name you can have and it’s made up of the simplest sound you can make.

But it still happens.

Oh well.

Does it show that I’m feeling somewhat tired and uninspired this morning?

Don’t it just make you well up with something akin to pride?

Following on from suicidal birds and indiscrete rabbits in the wilds of Cullybackey, I had my own wee run-ins yesterday.

Yesterday, of course was my half day. Recently I’ve tried to use this as an excuse to go flying, but scheduling didn’t permit this. So I spent the day working harder and for less money than normal: fixing t’internet connections, doing a payroll run and exorcising a laptop. In the course of this, I had to drive myself along the Portglenone line. Which is normally a muchly fun road, on which you don’t need to be actually going fast to get the sensation of having to drive rather than just steer.

Not so much fun when caught in a convoy of cars doing less than 50, though, as was the case yesterday. Booooooooo. And even more boooooooo was to be found when three separate birds decided to kamikaze onto the windscreen within a mile… Boo to having to scrape bits of bird guts from the windscreen, frankly.

Slightly later, I had cause to be driving along the Antrim road as well. And was faced with a visible cloud of these feckers, about three yards wide and about two miles long. Just over the power/telephone lines along the side of the road… Most unnerving, if I’m honest.

So, what was up with the fauna of south Antrim yesterday? Any thoughts?

Cowards.

Labour have confirmed they will not contest the by-election forced by the ex-shadow home secretary David Davis.

There are, of course, a great many reasons to resist being called out to fight; if the person doing the calling is a bully, or has no cause for the fight; or if there is no way that the fight cannot be fair.

However, in this instance it’s the bully that’s being called, and then not turning up. These are the issues that Gordon Brown has chosen to put front and centre, but he and his party won’t fight an election based upon them.

Hence, cowards…

The TLG alerted me to this critically important news yesterday. Anybody would think that she was getting to know my addictions…

Long-term coffee drinking does not appear to increase a person’s risk of early death and may cut a person’s chances of dying from heart disease, according to a study published on Monday.
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They found that regular coffee drinking — up to six cups a day — was not associated with increased deaths among the study’s middle-aged participants. In fact, the coffee drinkers, particularly the women, experienced a small decline in death rates from heart disease.

Hoo-rah. Not only does it wake you up, it keeps you alive. And tastes fantastic when doing so.

Perhaps I need to add another couple of cups per day to reach that magic 6cpd that they mention…

There are two ways to call the impending refusal of Labour to stand a candidate against David Davis.

1. It’s a pragmatic way to deal with it; there’s no way they could overturn his majority from the 2005 election, and by agreeing to stand they’re dancing to his tune and campaigning on his issues.
2. It’s a cowards way out; the mark of principle isn’t fighting the fights you can win, it’s fighting the fights that need fighting. Not turning up because you think you’ll lose is hardly the point of modern politics.

Frankly, I think that it’s (2). But with a lot more invective and bile.

Why can’t it be (1)? Simple; they’re not David Davis’ issues. They the issues that the Labour party has been campaigning on for years: ID cards, ‘reform’ of the judicial system, greater powers for police and the security services.

It’s just that they can’t make a coherent case for them, and they know they’d lose if they had to try in front of an electorate.

Pussies.

Also, yer twat from the Sun has apparently pulled out. Which is a shame, because I’l like to see a) him be swatted like a bug and b) someone actually testing the power of the Sun…