I didn’t say it, but I have to say, something about the FHM diary may be true. They pick a Rubbish Country every week, and give you a profile. This week:

Rubbish Country No26

Jersey
Where is it? Located in the English Channel about 15 miles from the French coast and 90 miles south of England.
Why avoid it? It’s where old people go to die. It’s also a bit like beinmg in France. If you don’t like flowers or walking, you’re stuffed. Not much chance of spotting TV Detective Bergerac, eithe.
Male life expectancy 76.34 years
Saving grace Their unique breed of cow is world famour for its “superior production of component-rich milt, ease of calving and high fertility”. And it looks nice standing in fields.
Moment of greatness Defeating France, with the help of the English, in the Jersey War of 1871
National dish The famous Jersey potato. Mashed, boiled, chipped, jacket etc etc etc

Get that? The only good things about it are the cattle and spuds. Damned by faint praise, there.