Scene: a dark and dreary cave, filled with the evil journalist lackeys of I didn’t quite catch that…
ejh enters stage left.
ejh (in Wicked Witch of the West voice) : The time has come my pretties… the blood of the bastard Blunkett is in the water. He is weakened, he will fall. He cannot stand up to the combined power of my evil journalist lackeys and the psychotic tabloid press. Fly my pretties! Destroy, embarass, humiliate! All in the name of I didn’t quite catch that… and sensible people everywhere!
Evil Journalist Lackey #1 : Excuse me, my name is I.M.A Fool, and I’m with the Mirror. We’ve just done a piece where we portray his Blunkettness sympathetically. Why would you want to destroy him?
ejh : BURN, DAMN YOU!
EJL #1 bursts into flame, his space filled instantly by another shapeless evil journalist lackey.
ejh : What the pile of ash formerly known as lackey #1 meant ot say was that his “paper” was involved in some clever deceit. It’s money quote was “He’s been flying off the handle at the least thing”. They are playing into my hands by questioning the mental stability of the “man” who has been fucking up the UK’s legal system. Now, who among you has obeyed?
EJL #2 : Hi, I’m Jordan, the “serious news” correspondant for the Sun. Observe my big breasts.
ejh : Your breasts have been observed. What has your paper done to damage Blunkett?
EJL #2 : Nothing as yet. But we plan a full page spread of photoshopped pictures of Blunkett, his guide dog, and several women with faces not even their mothers could love.
ejh : Excellent.
EJL #3 : Hi, I’m here from the Rockall Times…
ejh : Your paper pleases me. You have long been on the side of damaging Blunkett.
EJL #3 : Thank you. We’re putting out a piece this week praising Blunkett for beating the world record for knee-jerk reactions. We also giving him a tag ling: “Don’t think, just react!”.
ejh : Excellent. EJLs #2 & #3, you actions and intentions are pleasing to me. You may go, to continue to damage that arsehole. The rest of you, learn from their actions, or you may share in EJL #1’s fate. Go now, fly my pretties!
This was brought to you by the god of Too Much Caffine.