So, what will Herr Uberstamfurher be doing with his time?

“Adult film” performer
They say that losing one of your primary senses heightens the others, so Blunkett’s highly-developed sense of touch ? described by previous lovers as leaving them “totally satisfied as a woman” ? will have the top ladies in the business queuing up to make filthy scud flicks with him. If he relocates to Germany, his dog could probably get in on the action as well.

There are, however, several occupations that we would however strenuously advise Mr Blindgit not to sign up for, including:

Lollypop man
Bomb disposal expert
Circus knife thrower
Archery instructor
Airline pilot
Minister for Work and Pensions

Don’t worry, Blair won’t let him stay out in the cold too long. But I think he really should try out the bomb disposal for a bit…