Dear Lord. Advertisers are now banned from having “any link between alcohol and sexual success“.

How pathetic is that? Is there anyone out there who seriously believes that a bevy of beverages makes you more attractive to the opposite sex? Perhaps it makes them more attractive to you, and maybe gives you a bit of the ol’ Dutch courage, but you’ll be a salivating mess in the corner, which is never a good look. And everyone, bar perhaps those drunk at a given time, knows this.

Plus, the world knows that people like ads which feature scantily clad women. For some reason, it grabs the attention. But now that’s a bad thing, because it could link the drink with the women, which is such a believable occurance, and such a false pretence, that we need to be protected from it. Yes, we plebs are incapable of figuring out that a skinful of drink won’t automaticially have fit people fawning over us. We are that stupid.

Thank you, nanny, for watching over us.