Oh dear.

WORST INVENTION SINCE WEAPONS

MOBILE phones were branded one of the worst inventions yesterday.

Seventeen per cent quizzed admitted they hated mobiles, ringtones and text messages more than anything else – even speed cameras.

Guns, explosives, atomic bombs and biological weapons topped the poll, disliked by 35 per cent of the 4,100 surveyed.

Let’s look at the list of things that have been called the Worst Inventions Ever:

Weapons 35%

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the things that protect the weak from the strong; that defeated the sabre-tooth tiger; that provide the rock salt for our roads and the security for our nations are thought to be the worst things ever. Somehow I find myself disagreeing. Quite strongly.

Mobile Phones 17%

Yes, they can be annoying, but they have, on more than one occasion, saved lives. In fact, they’ve saved everything from lives to nights out; from money to relationships. And they’re bad for why?

Nuclear Power 9%

Hang on, what’s so bad about a power source that doesn’t produce CO2? And which isn’t the eeeevil that it’s made out to be by scaremongering greenish types?

Sinclair C5 9%

Hey, it could be worse; it could have been a Segway

Television 9%

Obviously, an invention this popular must be evil. Oh wait, that’s bullshit.

The Car 6%

Yes, because a truely free (not in cost, but in freedom of movement) method of transport for the masses is clearly a bad thing. I think the types of people who voted for this list are becomming evident here…

Cigarettes 6%

Yes, obviously, something which allows people to enjoy themselves (harmlessly, as was thought at the time of the invention) must also be bad.

Fast Food 3%

Was this a survey carried out in France? Because people everywhere else have been enjoying quick meals for many many years. Without any ill effects, I should mention.

Speed Cameras 3%

YES! Finally, you got one right. Have a coconut for your trouble, nutjobs.

Religion 2%

Ah yes, always a popular hate for certain people. I could speculate that they fear being judged for their bloody evil ideas, but it’s propably more likely to be because it’s fashionable to dislike religionists these days.

There you go; they got 1 out of 10. Back in my day, they called that failure, but now it’s probably a solid deferred success…