One of the many tedious tasks that mush be done on the door is the searching of bags; any bag big enough to contain alcohol should really be searched, for obvious reasons. And at pretty much every club in the world, there are signs informing patrons that they’re liable to be searched on entry. Such is the case anywhere I’ve worked, anyway.

In line with this, I asked a young fella to remove his backpack and open it for me. I even went so far as to say please, because I’m just that nice.

Said young fella does as he’s been asked, and his girlfriend opens her handbag (unprompted) for a similar check. Neither of them seem to be carrying drink, drugs or explosive devices, so I thank them and wish them a good night. Again, because I’m just so damn nice. I then back to what I was doing before the couple arrived (the highly important task of talking shite with someone, if you must know).

It took me a few seconds to realise that the guy hadn’t gone about having a good night, and was instead staring at me. So I turned and asked if he was OK. Which was when it got odd…

Him: So when are you going to apologise?
Me: Excuse me?

Him: I want an apology.
Me: For what? You’ve really lost me.

Him: I want an apology. You didn’t need to search me. I want an apology.
Me: No. I have to search all bags coming in; your bag came in, I searched it. I do not apologise for doing my job unless I have to, and in this case I really don’t have to.

Him: I want an apology. You violated my privacy, practically assaulted me.
Me: Wise up. You want in, you abide by our rules. Now we face a decision. You can go in and have a good night, or you can stay out here and keep accusing me of breaking the law, and then not be allowed in.

Him: GET ME YOUR MANAGER I WANT AN APOLOGY
Me: Last chance mate, shut up and go in or keep talking and stay out. Your call.

Him: [prepares to speak]
The Girlfriend: To him*slap* Shut up and get your arse inside. To me I’m really sorry about him.

I wonder if he does that everywhere he goes. Because it’s really quite strange behaviour, especially for something as common as having a massive backpack searched going into licensed premises.