Now that would be indefensible

A senior judge has hit the crack pipe and stated that everyone should be on the UK DNA database.

Which is clearly seven hundred and forty three thousand, six hundred and twenty nine types of wrong.

The whole population and every UK visitor should be added to the national DNA database, a senior judge has said.

Lord Justice Sedley said the current database, which holds DNA from crime suspects and scenes, was “indefensible” because it was unfair and inconsistent.

He told BBC News an expanded database would also aid crime prevention. Four million profiles are currently held.

The UK database is currently the largest example of its type in the world; larger than China’s, which has twenty times the population, and larger than the US’s, which has many times the number of people in prison. It’s so large because anyone arrested can be added to it indefinitely, even if they aren’t charged with an offence.

In other words: it’s far too fucking big already. It should be downsized, seriously, and immediately. And if it was limited to holding information about people convicted of actual crimes – and maybe what the Portuguese would term arguido in serious crimes – that would be best.

But no; in the interests of fairness, this lovely judicial fella feels that it should move in the other direction; that we should all become entries on the world’s biggest SNAFU. Never mind that nobody knows how many false positives would be thrown up by a DNA registry that size, because nobody has been stupid enough to try it.

Because Sir Stephen Sedley feels it could benefit the fight against crime, he thinks we should all be on it. Do you know what else could be of value in that fight? Having to tell the police where you are at all times. Curfews. Secret police. Restrictions on travel. Bans on martial arts. Prohibition of people being in groups of three or more.

In other words: just because it could help the fight against crime doesn’t mean it’s not a fucking awful idea. So take it, grease it up, and stick it where the sun don’t shine.

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