Once again, His Supreme Clarksonness makes a valid point.

We’re told that a recession is coming. Apparently, it’s got something to do with the Chinese, who have, in a complex way, affected America’s sub-prime. Inflation here will spiral out of control, millions will find themselves on the dole and thousands of immigrants will be eaten by rats.

Good. Because this will give the government something to do. And maybe it will then stop sitting around all day finding new ways to boss us around.

Already, in the period of Great Boredom, they’ve stopped us smoking, killing foxes, reversing without a banksman, playing conkers, enjoying bonfire night, and taking toothpaste on an aeroplane.

And now they are thinking of banning patio heaters, doing 30, and wearing hooded tops. Soon, it will be illegal to not be George Monbiot.

His theory being that if they’ve got something serious to do, they’ll not bother fucking about with the small things. I’m not 100% sure of that; I’d be unsurprised if, in the course of fucking about with bigger things, they managed to screw up lots of little things in the process. But I’m only going by past experience on that, so I may be wrong…

Anyway, that’s not really what I’m agreeing with. That big was further down the article.

We can all see it’s a sham. British severe weather is like British severe poverty, a fairly limp-wristed affair when placed in a global context. Northern Norway has severe weather. Oklahoma, in the tornado season, has severe weather. And a Cuban has every right to say “Wow, that was severe” after a category five hurricane has just blown his house into the middle of Houston. But in Barnsley? No.

I recall hearing something on t’radio about the severe weather this weekend, that might make driving conditions hazardous. And, to be fair, there was quite a lot of rain, and a fair bit of standing water. I only knew about it because I was out on a ‘bike, enjoying it.

See, what we call severe weather, isn’t. It’s all within a fairly narrow band of conditions, all of which are fairly comfortable. Maybe an extra layer is required on occasion, or sometimes a little more water should be drunk, but there’s never really any cause for concern. And certainly I can’t think of any conditions in my lifetime that would preclude driving; more care and attention should be paid in some conditions, but it’s nothing that can’t be handled.

But we’re obviously not the right people to make that call. No, it needs to come from the Great Dot Matrix Controller on the overhead gantries. Because we need to be told to slow down in fog, and we wouldn’t think of using dipped headlights in poor visibility. And we’d never, ever consider leaving a little extra time for our journey in snow.

See, we’re obviously all just little sheep, to be guided and herded when conditions are not the norm. And, luckily for us, we seem to have a nice government that just loves being our shepherd…