SYMPTOMS OF BEING OVER 25
- You leave clubs before the end to ‘beat the rush’. (worst still you don’t go to the clubs)
- You get more excited about having a roast on a Sunday than going clubbing the night before
- You stop dreaming of becoming a professional footballer /basketball player and start dreaming of having a son who might instead
- Before throwing the local paper away, you look through the property section.
- All of a sudden, middle aged people are not 46, they are only 46.
- Before going out anywhere, you ask whether there is anywhere to park.
- Rather than throw a knackered pair of trainers out, you keep them because they’ll be alright for the DIY or in the garden.
- You buy T-shirts without anything written on them
- Instead of laughing at the innovations catalogue that falls out of the newspaper, you suddenly see both the benefit and money saving properties of most of the things that are in it.
- You start to worry about your parents’ health.
- You have more disposable income, but everything you want or need to buy costs between 200 and 500 quid
- You don’t get funny looks when you buy a Disney video or a Wallace And Gromit bubble bath, as the sales assistant assumes they are for your children.
- Pop music all starts to sound the same
- You opt for Pizza Express over Pizza Hut because they do a really nice half-bottle of house red.
- You always have enough milk in.
- To compensate for the fact that you have little desire to go clubbing, you instead frequent trendy bars and restaurants in the mistaken belief that you have not turned into your parents.
- While flicking through the TV channels, you happen upon C4’s Time Team with Tony Robinson. You get drawn in. Grand Designs also appeals.
- The benefits of a pension scheme become clear.
- You go out of your way to pick up a colour chart from B&Q.
- You wish you had a shed.
- You have a shed.
- You actually find yourself saying ‘They don’t make ‘em like they used to’
You know, there’s only two things there that aren’t the case: 19 & 21. But then 20 goes double…
Sheds are great. I have three. One on the allotment, two in the back garden. Of course, one of the back garden ones has been co-opted for chilblains, but even so. Everyone needs a shed. And a pipe. I *will* soon have a pipe, by Great Jupiter’s whiskers.
All the more so for being absolutely right.