As memes go, this is hardly the worst. Found at Lyle’s joint. Along with a handy list for stealing purposes.

1. My uncle once: had a car loaded with boom juice by some very not nice people.
2. Never in my life: have I used tooth floss.
3. When I was five: I got in a little trouble for leaving an egg sandwich in a secret place at the back of the classroom. For quite some weeks. An unfortunate smell ensued.
4. High school was: somewhat school like. In an odd way.
5. I will never forget: where I’m coming from.
6. Once I met: an original GT-40 owner whose car had been badly damaged by a halfwit. Poor fella.
7. There’s this girl I know: who will either end up ruling the world or dying of crack-ho-dom.
8. Once, at a bar: I wasn’t the drunkest and daftest person in a group.
9. By noon, I’m usually: feeling very very hungry.
10. Last night: I can’t remember.
11. If only I had: some drive/motivation/common sense.
12. Next time I go to church: I’ll be sure to put in a good word for Lyle…
13. What worries me most: is my lack of those things listed in 11.
14. When I turn my head left I see: a chair.
15. When I turn my head right I see: a wall.
16. You know I’m lying when: my mouth is open and I’m awake. Just kiddin’
17. What I miss most about the Eighties is: the music and the clothes. Please see 16.
18. If I were a character in Shakespeare I’d be: somewhat wittier.
19. By this time next year: I’ll be a year older.
20. A better name for me would be: Supreme Overlord.
21. I have a hard time understanding: people believing the phrase “if you’ve nothing to hide, you’ve nothing to fear.”
22. If I ever go back to school, I’ll: be sure to poke a couple of teachers in the eye.
23. You know I like you if: I rip the piss. Not the most sensible of people, me.
24. If I ever won an award, the first person I would thank would be: the person handing me the award.
25. Take my advice, never: challenge a centipede to an arse kicking contest.
26. My ideal breakfast is: loaded with fat and served in bed.
27. A song I love but do not have is: Victorious in war will be made glorious in peace, off of West Wing 3-22.
28. If you visit my hometown, I suggest you: don’t stop, don’t slow down and by God don’t make eye contact.
29. Why won’t people: just give me money for no reason.
30. If you spend a night at my house: it’s only polite to make me a big cup of coffee in the morning.
31. I’d stop my wedding for: reasons that would probably seem like a good idea at the time.
32. The world could do without: TV chefs.
33. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: go on reality TV.
34. My favourite blonde(s) is/are: theoretical.
35. Paper clips are more useful than: most people realise.
36. If I do anything well it’s: an occasion that should be noted in a diary.
37. I can’t help but: be pedantic.
38. I usually cry: when it’s least convenient.
39. My advice to my child/nephew/niece: would be “never try this where your mother could see”
40. And by the way: never eat the yellow snow.

There, wasn’t that fun?