A simple, yet elegant solution

I’ll admit that I’m one of the many people who are less than impressed with Messrs Brand and Ross over their recent shenanigans. But the circus over it is getting out of hand.

The offence:

  1. Two presenters with reputations for crassness get together for a pre-recorded show.
  2. A guest fails to turn up.
  3. Presenter A phones guest.
  4. Presenter B starts shouting somewhat private information about Presenter A and the guest’s granddaughter.
  5. Repeat steps 3 & 4.
  6. Repeat steps 3 & 4.
  7. Repeat steps 3 & 4.
  8. Repeat steps 3 & 4.
  9. Some dimwitted editor decides that it should be broadcast.

The developing outcome:

  • Prime Minster gets involved and says that it’s all unacceptable.
  • Various other politicians follow suit.
  • Presenters offer apologies.
  • Guest says that he wants it to go away.
  • Granddaughter says to the Currant Bun that Presenters A & B should be sacked.
  • BBC goes into full OH SHIT mode and suspends both presenters, pending official investigations.

Was it in bad taste? Yes. Was it exactly the same kind of humour that is only ever funny when coming home from the pub at 3am? Yes. But was it illegal? No. Should it cost people their jobs? Probably not.

My solution is very backward looking and not at all likely to happen, but I think it would please most of the people involved, even those readers of the Current Bun.

Start a service called punch-a-cad.com. The point of this service would be to, on request, send some large gentlemen (preferable with tasteful moustaches and perhaps monocles) to walk up to the boorish louts and to punch them very hard in the face. Actions by punch-a-cad.com operatives on duty would, of course, be exempt from prosecution, provided that they don’t go above GBH.

Thusly the insult to the ‘victim’ is repaid, and the offending boors would be appropriately chastised, without any lasting effects.

A further advantage would be in setting the precedent. Once punch-a-cad.com had been up and running for a while, you could expand their remit to anyone doing kiss-and-tell stories in the press. Which would a) improve the output of the newspapers considerably and b) put a stop to the Sunday World. Win-win.

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