Can’t have people going and enjoying themselves

I thank TLG for pointing out this latest method used by Nanny to ensure that nobody enjoyed themselves too much this Christmas.

Britain beware. The nation has been put on alert for a sinister Christmas-time menace.

Failure to heed the warnings, say ministers, could result in “tipsy” grandmas “toppling down the stairs” or “crashing to the floor when they miss their seat at the dinner table”, exploding gravy dishes and “parents stabbing themselves with scissors they’ve grabbed instead of screw-drivers to assemble toys”.

These danger signs are outlined in a “festive” leaflet designed to look like an Advent calendar and entitled “Tis the Season to Be Careful”. Some 150,000 will be thrust upon unsuspecting shoppers in high streets around the country in the last three shopping days before Christmas.

Of course, that hundred and fifty thousand copies of a scare story are as nothing compared to Nanny’s scary output. In Belfast alone, this has manifested in dozens of posters all over the city warning people that buying electronic presents could easily cause your entire family to DIE IN A FIRE. And many dozens of hours of radio commercials promising that Christmas driving will cause your family to receive sympathy cards, not Christmas cards. And television ads along the same lines, and newspaper spreads highlighting the downfall of society caused by x bogeyman of the week…

What is it, do you think, that causes people to go specifically out of their way to find more and more unlikely implausible excuses to scare us? Why do you have to go and point out that unless we secure our attic doors that EVIL MONSTERS from the attic will come down and kill us? Or that not washing the handle of our toasters may cause us to DIE from some wonderful new infection?

Me, I think it’s because people are bastards. It’s the only explanation that fits…

On top of that, there are the frankly disgusting ads by charities that specialise in scaring money out of people – in particular I’m looking at the NSPCC ‘baby P’ ad, which seriously had me considering if I could ring them up and demand every single penny that I’ve ever donated be reimbursed.

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