To begin with: I did a decent thing, and cooked for TLF and I. Nothing too strange about that, happens a lot of the time. However, this time round it was merely the first in a sequence of steps that resulted in a lot of our evening being spent enjoying the sights and sounds of Lewisham’s Accident & Emergency department.
The dinner was nothing special; a little chicken kiev with some new potatoes and a bit of salad on the side. However, as TLF had just set her plate down to put some salt on it, I made the grave error of offering her a few more potatoes. Hideous crime, as I’m sure you’ll agree, for while I advanced towards her with a ladle of said delicious tubers, she took a step back and this resulted in her entire plate falling edge on onto her big toe.
The next stage cannot be repeated here, but rest assured, the Not Happy dance was done, and pain was experienced. A diligent observer may even have noticed some sobbing, and not just from me.
Enter, stage left, the NHS Direct service. Staffed by clinicians and experts with much training, their official opinion was “oh, the computer is saying that you should go to A&E”. Which, to be fair, a trained monkey could have told us. Way to spend millions of quid on a service.
Hence: A&E. Wherein your protagonist and TLF got to move a couple of time in the waiting room (because of a guy with the DTs and a wandering hand), discuss plans for St Paddy’s day with a harmless drunk named Colin (who had a most excellent smell), get seen by a triage nurse (who looked at it, went “oh” and sent us on our way to something called the Primary Care Suite), get seen by an actual baby doctor called Sue who talked of all the pretty colours that a bruise goes, and get an X-ray to rule out a compression fracture. Oh, and then a bandage administered by a slightly sadistic nurse, a compression fracture caused to my hand by excessive squeezing, and advice regarding pain control.
All in, a fun night. For your entertainment needs, I heartily recommend Lewisham A&E: does exactly what it says on the tin. Just very slowly.
I recommend plastic plates in future.
Get well soon TLF!
Plastic? A very dangerous material. I’m thinking of paper plates, but only if I can get ones that aren’t fire risks.
TLF thanks you for your concern.
Fire retardant paper plates? An excellent idea but….have you considered the danger of paper cuts? Very nasty.
Perhaps the best and safest idea for dinner time Chez Ed would be the wearing of steel toe-capped boots. Just a thought.
I’m not sure I’m totally thrilled with the idea of Ed cooking me dinner, with or without steel toecapped boots.
He’s actually quite a good cook… Just not so much with controlling the potato based assault…
At this point I should add that he wants to register the protest “I didn’t do nothing. You’re mean to me.”
It was more of a calamity of errors than his fault, to be honest. Bloomin’ hurt though…